Fault in the Machine
by sam temple
Summary: Chen struggles to overcome a downhill battle of expectations in China as he learns his place as an EXO-M member. He learns that being a member of EXO isn't just being a part of the group, but being part of a family as well. Notes: Repost from AFF, I don't own EXO.


Chapter 1: The Beginning

_"This is your debut, don't mess up."_

It had been months since he had heard those words from Mr. Lee Soo-man's mouth, and yet, they still had impact and laid heavily on his mind. At the best of times, the words cheered him up and gave him hope, but at the worst of times, they left this sweetly bitter taste across his tongue and his stomach in knots. It did not matter that it had only been a couple of months since training had begun and just a few weeks after debuting, the words continued to claw at his heart, leaving him in a perpetual state between happiness and anxiousness.

His dream was happening, finally happening, and yet his heart felt slightly heavy with promises and hoping that he had the strength to continue to succeed, to show everyone that he deserved this chance to sing and train with the others.

It didn't matter if he couldn't sing in Korean or that after training, his life would be in China promoting music. It didn't matter that he had been dubbed as Chen and had to learn Chinese. It didn't matter that his life wasn't going to be his anymore, he had done it, he had done the impossible. He had proven to everyone that singing wasn't a waste of time; he had proven to his parents that singing was a possibility for him and that he had the talent to make his dreams come true.

He was ready for all the obstacles, the training, the misunderstandings, the language barrier; he was ready for all of that and more.

He couldn't afford to be any less.

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At first, Yi Xing didn't know what to think when he learned that he would be rooming with Kim Jong Dae. For weeks, he had pictured the other to be immature, slightly spoiled, and maybe a little aggressive. He was only eighteen and Yi Xing expected him to act every bit of that age.

However, Yi Xing had no idea that he would be the less mature one, the more emotional one out of the two. When he had met the other boy, Jong Dae had been refreshingly different from the image he had portrayed.

Even though the boy barely understood Chinese, had only been learning the language for a few weeks, Yi Xing could tell how much the boy had practiced his greeting. The words weren't perfect, but the sweet and polite way he greeted him made him feel warm inside.

It wasn't every day when someone greeted him as if he was the president. Jong Dae was so serious and professional about it, Yi Xing couldn't help but softly chuckle.

_"It's a pleasure to meet you, my name is Jong Dae, and I hope we'll have a good relationship."_

Jong Dae had such a nervous smile and was trying so hard to get the words right, Yi Xing knew that he was going to like him. The boy just exuded warmth and gentleness, and he knew that they could not just have a professional relationship; he wanted to be friends with him. It didn't matter if there was a language barrier between them, if Jong Dae was as sweet and sincere as he portrayed, Yi Xing would have the patience to overcome the obstacles.

Laughing quietly at the boy, he quickly told him to loosen up and not be so serious. Greeting him in Korean and telling him that he could call him Yi Xing or Lay, Jong Dae just nodded and blushed before thanking him and giving him a bow.

_I'm going to like you; I'm really going to like you._

Yi Xing remembers thinking; remembers feeling he was glad that Jong Dae was not like anything he had imagined. He was glad that a friendship could easily from between the two of them and that he would enjoy working with the other boy.

However, it wasn't until a few weeks later when training had intensified and that relationships between all the boys just naturally transformed from friendship to a form of unity, a type of brotherhood. The bond being solidified a week later when he and Jong Dae were quietly conversing when the other boy let out a small _Yi Xing Hyung_ before blushing and asking if it was alright for him to call him that.

Yi Xing can remember the shock that had accompanied those words, but the warmth and happiness that spread through his chest was an unforgettable emotion, a moment that he would never forget.

_Yi Xing Hyung_.

_Yi Xing Hyung._

"Continue to call me that, please, I don't know why, but I like it, so please continue to call me that."

Jong Dae can only nod, a small smile gracing his features before shyly calling him _Yi Xing Hyung_ again.

Yi Xing doesn't exactly know what happened after that, but he did know that for the rest of the day he had been smiling like a fool and thinking how happy he was for Jong Dae to accept him as his _Hyung._

It wouldn't be until months later when he would learn the importance of that bond they created or how he would fail as a friend.

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Kris concealed his excitement with a small smile as he watched the other members of EXO-M avidly talking about the events that were scheduled for the week. After months of practicing in secret and being unable to promote their band in the traditional ways, they were finally getting screen time, for this week was dedicated to the MAMA MV, while the next week they had their first interview.

Looking around the table, he noticed everyone in different states of excitement. Min Seok and Lu Han were smiling and laughing as they exchanged jokes and stories, while Tao and Yi Xing were quietly talking about their dance moves and how the video would look like. Jong Dae softly ate his meal while giving small toothy smiles every couple of minutes as he listened to his friends.

Kris could tell Jong Dae was happy with the way his gentle aura gave off waves of happiness and excitement. However, compared to the other members, he was still too quiet, only giving his input whenever he needed to. Even months after knowing everyone, Jong Dae was still the quietest member out of the group, only talking and laughing when something really exciting happened or when he felt playful.

For a singer, it was strange to Kris that Jong Dae was the way he was; shy, mature, unbelievably sweet and gentle. It didn't matter if his voice was so powerful and amazingly beautiful that it left people in tears, Jong Dae was too humble and shy for his own good.

Kris was sure that it was something that led back to the boy's parents and his upbringing. He had heard the stories where they didn't approve of their son's choices until he finally got the chance to make a career out of it. For someone who always had their parents' approval for everything, he admired the younger man's strength for never giving up his dreams, even when those he loved where against him. He knew it had to have been hard on the younger man and that it had to have left a couple of scars, scars that made him the way he was now.

But looking at the other man now softly laughing at something Min Seok said, he couldn't help but be glad that the man never gave up on his dream and was in their group.

Things were at a good place right now.

Everyone was happy, their careers were looking up, and nothing could stop them.

Kris did the only thing he could do; he joined the group in their laughter and excitement.

However, it was only a matter of time when laughter would be the farthest from their minds.

To Be Continued…

Chapter Two: Foreigner

Chinese was hard, really hard with all the different syllables and sounds and how letters were written. Jong Dae felt that the language was much harder than the English they learned in school. At least English made sense, even if it was a melting pot of words from a hundred languages; it had an alphabet and a lettering system that was easy to write.

Chinese, on the other hand, was more difficult for him to learn. With all the books, the lessons, the tapes, Jong Dae was only able to understand half of what was going on and still had trouble forming coherent sentences. For about four months, all he had learned was how to greet someone, talk about his likes and dislikes, names for some food and places, and the tenses of words.

Sure Min Seok was learning Chinese with him, but the older male just understood the language better than he did. He was farther in the workbooks and had a much easier time speaking to the other members. He didn't know if it helped that Min Seok spoke with a lot of gestures that he was able to be understood a little bit better, or if he was just naturally better at grasping the language than him.

It didn't matter if he was the main singer and that he had to sing in Chinese. Singing in a different language was different from actually learning the language. Instead of spending hours on translating or trying to understand all the words, he would only have to practice the pronunciation and rhythm of the words before he would memorize the lyrics. An online translator took care of translating the lyrics so he could give the right emotions when singing the song.

He wasn't analyzing the song, but the emotions the song invoked, and that's how he would sing.

Learning Chinese wasn't like that for him, it was a bunch of trial and error and moments where he was painfully misunderstood. Luckily, the misunderstandings weren't too bad and were able to be cleared up, but he still felt anxious and sad that it was taking him so long to speak a language that the other members knew.

Even Tao, who only knew a little of Korean at the beginning, was speaking full sentences of Korean and could confidently hold a conversation with anyone from the company.

It was frustrating for him, but he knew that his time wasn't going to be all rainbows and unicorns. He knew that he was going to have to work extra hard to learn the language and show the others who had been training for years to get their chance that he was good enough. And being selected as the main singer was even more of an honor, an honor that he couldn't afford to mess up.

He had a lot to prove, and yet, Chinese didn't care how he felt. It just kicked him where it hurt and continued to do so; it was pathetic really. Min Seok was practically light years ahead of him and Tao was clearly learning Korean at the pace of a robot.

It was infuriating and tough, but he knew he couldn't just give up. The others were counting on him to learn the language and be able to stand on his own. He knew they didn't mind if he went to them for help, but he knew that they couldn't just drop everything and help him understand Chinese better. He didn't want to bother them for something as little as trying to learn the pronunciation for apple or learning which tense worked where. They had their own things to do.

So he did what he always did when he didn't get something, he gave up sleep and downtime to practice, and practice he would until he could confidently speak fluent sentences.

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"You ready for today?" Tao softly asked the shorter boy, the nervousness showing slightly in his voice.

"I hope so, I've been practicing." Jong Dae softly told him in Chinese, hoping that he wasn't butchering the language.

"It sounds like it; you sound better than a couple of weeks ago."

Jong Dae smiled a little, "Thanks Tao."

"You're welcome, and don't worry too much, my Korean is not very good either."

_Yeah, but you don't have to speak in a foreign language or have to have a translator for interviews._

Jong Dae quickly squashed the thought; it wasn't Tao's fault that he couldn't speak Chinese yet.

"You are doing well though, Manager Hyung says you can speak in complete sentences and can understand complicated messages."

_I'm still learning simple phrases, I'm just glad that you can understand me._

Tao laughed a little, "Thank you, you and the others have really helped me out the last few months."

"I couldn't just not take care of my _dongsaeng_."

Tao blushed at the word. He really liked it when Jong Dae called him his _dongsaeng_, it meant a lot to him and the friendship they shared. It didn't matter if Jong Dae was only a couple months older; it was obvious that Jong Dae was one of the more mature members of the group. He was like a little big brother to him, and he was always willing to help him be acclimated to Korea or taking time to listen to him.

Jong Dae wasn't always a talker, but he was a good listener and really tried his hardest to cheer him up when he needed it. The other boys were really nice and he adored them a lot, but Jong Dae had this gentle air about him that calmed him down.

It didn't matter if they had only been friends for a few months, with training and the bonds they had all developed, it literally felt like they had been friends for years.

"Thanks _Hyung_. I don't know if you know, but you always know what to say when I need it, even if I don't think so."

Jong Dae could only give him a toothy smile in return and lightly squeeze his shoulder, "Don't worry, we'll do our best today. Tao and Jong Dae Hwaighting!"

"Yeah, Hwaighting!" He softly gave, pumping his fist in the air. The nervous energy leaving his body, as he and Jong Dae continued to converse, going over possible questions and talking about a new video game that came out. Through all of that, Tao couldn't help but think:

_Jong Dae, please never change, because you are one of the best Hyungs I could ever ask for. _

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"For a Chinese singing group, why did there have to be two Koreans in it? They can't even speak Chinese correctly, especially the quiet, stupid one, he's their singer. What a disgrace. The pronunciation is terrible in MAMA, it's a wonder how anyone can listen to it. At least with the fat one, you could understand him."

Min Seok didn't know what to think as soon as he heard those words, but the laughter that followed fueled this anger and frustration at the man's comment.

Did he not know how hard they tried, how hard they worked for the music video? They had spent weeks perfecting that song; making sure the dancing and singing were perfect. Sure Jong Dae wasn't a native speaker, but the way he poured his heart into that song made a difference, made it much more powerful and real than what perfect pronunciation could have done.

The song was all of theirs, but the singing was Lu Han's and Jong Dae's, and Jong Dae spent a damn long time perfecting his singing. They all did, and yet, the older generation could only give harsh criticism.

He knew China wouldn't be as accepting as Korea, but he didn't expect this coldness and hatred that were contained within the man's words.

"Don't listen to them, just forget what they said. Keep your anger in check; we don't need to make a scene. Show that you are better than them and you won't raise to the bait." Kris calmly told him, and all Min Seok could do was nod, "Be proud of what we've done, show them and be the example for Chen Chen. He heard it too, so be strong for him."

Min Seok totally forgot that it wasn't just he that heard, but the rest of the band too. They had heard the man's words, and yet, he as the oldest almost rose to the bait and lashed out in anger.

He was a professional, and he almost lost his place.

He needed to be the example, he needed to show that their words didn't matter and that they would change their way of thinking and show them that they could make it.

Calming himself down, he looked behind him, and his heart hurt at the sight.

Yi Xing, Lu Han, and Tao had Jong Dae off to the side of the hall. Tao was giving the slightly older boy a squeeze to his shoulder and softly telling him that the men didn't know anything and were jealous, while Lu Han and Yi Xing were quietly comforting the boy and promising him that they would take care of it.

But what got Min Seok was Jong Dae's silent acceptance, the flash of sorrow across his features, before he gave a small laugh and told the others not to worry.

"It's okay; I know everyone isn't going to like it. I'll just make sure to get better at Chinese for next time. You guys don't have to worry, I'll be alright."

Lu Han and Yi Xing looked like they wanted to say more, but knew like how he and Kris knew that Jong Dae wouldn't want them to say more.

"Okay, but when we get back, we're doing movies and snacking on Sando and Pepero, no excuses."

Jong Dae nodded and gave them a bigger smile than before, "Thanks guys."

"No problem, anything for our _dongsaeng_." Lu hand effortlessly slipped into Korean.

"Thank you." Jong Dae whispered, before saying, "We should go. They can't get EXO-M down."

The other three nodded and the four quickly caught up to him and Kris.

"You alright?" Kris softly asked the younger boy.

"Yes, thank you. I'm fine."

Kris nodded before signaling for them to go, but before Jong Dae could pass, Min Seok grabbed his arm and laced it through the small hole between arm and body.

"Let's show them, let's show that they can't get us down. We Koreans will show them how professionals actually work. Hwaiting!" Min Seok gave before softly dragging the other boy down the hall with the rest of the group following, small smiles gracing their features.

Jong Dae could only think: _Thanks guys, thank you for being so awesome. I won't let you guys down again; I'll make sure we'll do better next time. Don't you worry, I'll make it happen. _

To Be Continued…

Chapter Three: A First Time for Everything

Ever since the mishap from their last interview, Kris had been worried for the others and how they would take the harsh words-well, he was mostly worried for the two youngest members and how they would cope. It had been there first emotional bashing, and Kris knew the two didn't take it too well. Tao had cried that night at the unfairness of the man's words while crushing all the members with his hugs, while Jong Dae excused himself from their impromptu movie night and silently cried himself to sleep.

Yi Xing had quietly voiced his concerns to him the next morning, hoping that he would be able to talk to the younger boy. However, when he did, Jong Dae just smiled and told him it was fine and that he could deal with it. Kris didn't want to believe him and press the matter, but knew he couldn't make the other boy talk by forcing him. Therefore, he decided to keep a closer watch on him until things cleared up and he was sure that the boy was okay and coping correctly, but Jong Dae didn't show any sign of breaking down.

Jong Dae still took his studies seriously, still went out to eat with his hyungs (always making sure to treat them whenever they treated him), and made sure to hang out with Tao as the two always found time to watch cartoons and movies in their free time. It seemed as if Jong Dae wasn't acting any differently, and yet, Kris felt that something was wrong-or something was going to go wrong. But as training increased for their next music video and other demos, and seeing Jong Dae easily coping with everything, he had to back off.

It was one thing to keep an eye out on the younger members when things weren't right, but when nothing was wrong, Kris knew he couldn't be possessive and overcautious with them. That gave the wrong impression and led the younger members to believe they weren't trusted, and Kris wanted them to trust him, to rely on him to keep their secrets and be a role model for them. So even though he gave Jong Dae more space, he still made sure the younger man knew his policy and that he could talk to him anytime.

However, Jong Dae never went beyond what was asked of him: didn't talk about his feelings or how he was coping. Even with their open door policy, the younger boy didn't go to any of them with his problems, and Kris had to accept that it was okay.

Jong Dae was just different; he was the quiet one of the group, the thinker. Sure, he could joke and be sarcastic, but the language barrier really inhibited him from showing his slightly silly side. Along, with his dislike of conflict, Jong Dae just didn't trust himself enough or the other members enough to tell them what he was really thinking. The younger man wouldn't go to them for help or extra support, unless he really needed it.

Kris didn't know if it was something about Jong Dae's nature to not talk about himself and rely on others, or if it was his family and the rest of society that had something to do about it.

Kris thought it was a little of both, but the lack of support and approval from his family pushed the younger boy to rely mostly on himself to do the things he wanted. It didn't occur to the younger boy that all the members would be willing to help him and listen to his troubles. They were like brothers, and that's what brothers did.

Jong Dae just had a little trouble believing that.

It didn't take a genius to figure that Jong Dae's parents weren't just verbally and emotionally disapproving. With the acceptance of corporal punishment and physical discipline in Korea, Jong Dae had to have been beaten a few times for disobeying his parents with trying to achieve his dream. And that didn't count the times a teacher would punish the boy for missing school or showing up late due to training.

Just talking to Min Seok about some of his memories from school and the beatings he got, Kris didn't doubt that Jong Dae didn't get the same. But unlike Min Seok whose parents never doubted and supported him, Jong Dae had to rely on his talent alone to get him through the abuse.

And sometimes Kris didn't know how to deal with that, so he did what he could. He made sure Jong Dae knew that he could speak to him or any of the boys at any time and expect to be treated with respect and not be physically or emotionally abused. However, Jong Dae still barely took him up on his offers to talk.

Weeks wore on and Kris couldn't help but realize that maybe he was too worried about the others and that he needed to give them space and trust them more. So stepping away from the situation and letting the others come to him when they needed him, he let them do what they needed to do. And through that time, he couldn't help but realize that maybe Jong Dae really was okay and was able to cope with the sudden changes of fame, that he had been worried for nothing.

However, he wouldn't realize how right he was to be worried about the other boy until months later.

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Yi Xing couldn't believe that for the next couple of months they would be living in China. Sure, they were as busy as ever, but being in his home country for more than a few days was exciting and made him feel a little lighter inside. He was sure that Lu Han and Tao felt the same way, while Kris was basically indifferent, and Min Seok and Jong Dae were a little nervous about the whole thing.

He couldn't blame the Korean members for feeling that way, especially Jong Dae who never really lived anywhere else. Min Seok was just glad that they were all living together, and that all the Chinese members were going to be their professional guides. Jong Dae on the other hand was really nervous and kind of scared about living in China for the few months they were going to be there.

He didn't really say anything about it, but the increased time he spent studying and the stack of Chinese books he had on his dresser had stacked up within the last week. Plus, the fact the kid had been staying up late to study somewhat worried the older boy.

Even after all the reassuring he did and telling the younger man that he didn't need to study as much as he did, he knew he had to lighten the mood a little and take his Dongsaeng out. Even though they were leaving in the next few days, Jong Dae hadn't gone out by himself to do some last minute sightseeing or at least eat his favorite foods before he left.

Which was a little strange to him, because before he left China, he had spent a week doing nothing but China related things and ate so much Chinese food that he had gained a few pounds.

So quickly finding one of those Korean BBQ carts that Jong Dae liked, he had made sure to drag the younger boy with him.

"Yi Xing Hyung, you don't have to do this, I know you are busy-"

Yi Xing had to cut him off, "Jong Dae, I wanted Korean BBQ before I go to China and I know how much you like these BBQ carts, so how can I not take you. Plus, you haven't gone out in a couple of days; I was worried that you were suddenly allergic to the sun."

"No, I've just been busy Hyung. You know how it is."

"No I don't, but I know how you are, and you needed a break." Yi Xing gave the younger man a small flick to the nose.

Jong Dae could only sigh and give a small smile, "I guess you're right, it was getting a little stuffy back there."

The other could only laugh, "It was more than stuffy, but I know what you mean."

Jong Dae nodded and gave a small smile, his hand going to his wallet, "Which one are we going to?"

"Just the one near the edge of the park, they have the best spare ribs there. And don't you worry about money, it's my treat."

"B-But Hyung, you don't have to, I can buy-"

Yi Xing wasn't having any of that, "No-no-no, I'm buying and there is nothing you can do about it. So relax and let your Hyung take care of you today, and if you need to, treat me in China."

Jong Dae could only sigh and give in to his friend's request, "But China, I'm buying, no excuses."

The other chuckled, "Whatever you say."

And with those words, Yi Xing made sure to not only treat the boy to Korean BBQ, but to ice cream, as well. What Jong Dae didn't know, wouldn't hurt him.

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Lu Han could only shake his head as he saw Yi Xing and Jong Dae laugh and joke with each other.

"Thank goodness, I was getting a little worried about the kid." Min Seok mumbled loud enough for Lu Han to hear.

"Yeah, if it wasn't Yi Xing, it was going to be me who was going to take the kid out. He was doing way too much studying." Lu Han softly told the older boy, a small smile playing on his lips.

"He's really trying to close the gap between him and everyone else; he doesn't want to rely on translators forever. I can understand that since I'm in the same boat as him, but still, he tries too hard sometimes."

Lu Han could only nod, "I know what you mean, but after months of living with him, that's how he is, and he isn't going to change. It's a good trait to have, but he can take a break every once in a while, or at least rely on us a little more."

"Yeah, but he wouldn't be Jong Dae if he readily did that. And you know how he's like when we try to take him out for dinner and stuff, he's always insisting that he buys, when it should be us buying it for him. Tao's bad enough with trying to treat us, but Jong Dae's even worse."

Lu Han couldn't agree more, because the last time he tried to treat Jong Dae to some pastries, the boy had literally tried to glare at him for a few minutes. However, the boy's naturally smiley mouth and gentle aura ruined the whole look and just made Lu Han want to pinch the boy's cheeks. That and the fact that two minutes later, the boy realized the he wasn't being fair and had apologized profusely to the older boy for being ungrateful.

Lu Han never thought the boy to be ungrateful-maybe too independent, but never ungrateful. Jong Dae was too sweet and was more than thankful than what he sometimes thought of himself to be, but reassuring the boy of that was tough sometimes. Promising to let the younger man treat him next time if he could treat him this time, he reassured him that he didn't take offense and knew that he was grateful. Jong Dae was a little skeptic, but quickly gave a smile and thanked him for the food. The _Hyung_that followed from the boy's lips made Lu Han feel warm inside and want to treat the younger man ten times over.

Tao may have been cute, but Jong Dae's natural gentle personality just made Lu Han and the other boys want to be the best _Hyungs_and _Dongsaeng_ they could be.

"So me, you, and Jong Dae for dumplings when we get to China?"

Lu Han couldn't help but laugh, "Sounds good to me. Want to make it a group thing, or no?"

Min Seok thought about it for a second before shaking his head, "Kris already has a group dinner scheduled, and knowing Tao, he already has set up a shopping date with Leader and Yi Xing, so we'll go then."

"Mmm, sounds like a plan then, I'll take you guys to one of my favorite places then. They make some of the best dumplings and soups there."

Min Seok could only grin, "I can't wait."

Lu Han smiled before changing the subject, "So who do you think is rooming with whom?"

"No idea, but I have this feeling that Jong Dae will be rooming with Kris."

To Be Continued…

Chapter Four: A Simple Mistake

"I'll take the top bunk if that's okay with you?" Kris softly asked the younger boy as the two entered their new room.

Jong Dae just looked at him for a second before looking at the bed and stuttering, "N-no that's fine, you can have it."

Kris just shook his head at the boy before ruffling his hair, "Calm down Chen Chen, nothing to worry about. It'll be the same as before, just act like yourself and you'll be fine."

Jong Dae could only blush and nod at his statement. He was being scared for nothing, but he had every right to be.

Kris was the leader and Jong Dae couldn't help the overbearing thought that if Kris was his roommate, he may find something wrong with him and just not like him anymore. He knew it was a stupid thought to have since it was _Kris_, but he couldn't _help_it.

He had the same thought about Yi Xing before he had gotten to know the boy, before he had befriended the other. He had nightmares for days because he was afraid that they wouldn't get along, that he would the other would dislike him, _hate_him for reasons he wouldn't know except that he wasn't worth it, that he shouldn't be there, and that his parents were right about him.

It didn't happen that way, but he had this fear where everything he did in life, everything he tried to do would never be good enough. It never had been, until it was, until all his hard work had led him to this moment.

His parents were proud of him, but there were moments where the boy still doubted them and thought they were just humoring him until he gave up his dream and decided to do what they wanted. They never called, they never wrote, or anything. Any time he wanted to get in touch with his family, he had to do it himself. Otherwise, his parents perpetually stood on the sidelines, telling him they were proud, but doing nothing to show that feeling, to show they cared about him and his dream.

For this reason, that deep-seated fear of rejection never went away, and would sometimes riddle his dreams.

"I-I know." He softly told the other boy, giving him a small smile before walking over to the lower bed and lowering himself on it.

"Just making sure and I'm sure none of your sleeping habits are as bad as mine. I apologize now if I accidentally wake you up when I sleep talk." Kris gave, hoping that Jong Dae would take the bait and not worry about sleeping with the leader.

"Eh! You sleep talk?"

"Yep, but don't let it get around, don't want too many people knowing that I do that. Got to keep my image intact, you know."

Jong Dae couldn't help but laugh a little.

Kris was always so calm and collected, he was a cool person, and for him to have such a silly habit was a little funny.

"Finally got a laugh from you, was a little worried earlier, but if you can laugh like that around me, I'm sure you'll do fine. And don't worry about me being the leader when we're in here, we're friends first, before roommates, and then band members. If you don't want anything to leave the room, I'll make sure to keep my lips sealed."

Jong Dae nodded, "Thanks Hyung."

"No problem Chen Chen, now let's finish unpacking, and if we finish fast enough, we can head to that bakery that's down the street, my treat." Kris gave with a smile.

"Okay, hyung, but I don't really know anything about pastries, so-"

"No worries, we'll figure it out when we get there."

Jong Dae nodded and gave a bright toothy smile.

He really had no reason to worry after all.

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"So I heard from Kris that you had your first peanut butter bun the other day, how did you like it? I bet it was really good, the best pastry you ever had?" Lu Han asked, softly nudging his elbow into Jong Dae's side. The three were going to get lunch at one of Lu Han's favorite restaurants.

"What?! You got pastries and you didn't invite me!" Min Seok exclaimed, a pout sprouting on his face before muttering to himself an "I love pastries. They taste so good."

"Well, Kris-Hyung wanted to go and you guys were still unpacking and-and-"

"Jong Dae, you don't have to explain yourself, Min Seok is just jealous that you got pastries. He'll get over it in a couple of seconds once he realizes that we're getting dumplings in ten minutes. You know how he is about food, so don't worry about it. But back to my earlier question, how did you like it?" Lu Han prompted, the like rolling off his lips as he emphasized the word.

"Um, well, I never really had a lot of pastries before, so I really couldn't compare it to anything, but it was good. I liked it a lot; the outside of the bun was really soft."

"Did you get to try anything else?" Min Seok asked, coming back to the conversation, smile plastered on his face as if the last thirty seconds didn't happen.

"Well, no, not really. I had a bite from one of his pineapple tarts, but that's it really. Why?"

"Just making sure Kris is treating you right." Min Seok replied with a wink.

Jong Dae blushed a little, Min Seok and Lu Han could be a little eccentric at times, and sometimes he didn't know how to take things with them.

"He is, don't worry, he's a good Hyung."

The other two nodded, smiling at the younger boy, suddenly glad that Kris had taken the time to make the younger feel more comfortable in his presence. They knew that Jong Dae had been a little nervous about rooming with Kris, thinking that the older boy would suddenly dislike his presence or something, even though he had nothing to worry about and was just worrying for nothing. Yi Xing had already told him that he was a great roommate and that Kris was lucky to have him.

"The restaurant is a little further down this road you guys." Lu Han told them as they walked another hundred meters to find a small little house decorated with neutral tones, the smell of fresh Chinese food could be smelled from at least a hundred feet away.

Walking in, the three quickly asked for a table and ordered some green tea. Looking at the Chinese scrawled across the menus, Min Seok and Jong Dae were only to fluently read about half of it. Min Seok could hear traditional Chinese music in the background and rich browns, gold, and reds decorated the walls and tables.

"This is quite a cozy place." Jong Dae softly said, taking in the warmth of the room.

"Yep, and they make some of the best dumplings I have ever tasted."

"I'll believe you when I try some."

Jong Dae couldn't help but laugh, "But Min Seok Hyung, you've only had those pot sticker things and egg rolls before."

"So, food is food. I still have to see if it tastes good." He told them, giving the two an 'hmph' look.

Jong Dae and Lu Han just burst out laughing, "You like food way too much hyung," from Jong Dae and a "You don't have to explain yourself to us, we know you like food," from Lu Han. And the glare the two received for their comments just made the two laugh even harder.

"You two are evil dongsaengs, always making fun of your hyung and food." Min Seok softly said giving an exasperated look before joining in on their laughter.

It had been a while since the three had laughed as hard as they had at that moment, but they weren't complaining.

It was good to let loose and act silly sometimes; they were still young after all.

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Ever since the teasers were released, it was inevitable for the group to get a following; cute boys dancing, cute boy doing martial arts, and cute boys singing-girls just ate it up. But it wasn't until MAMA came out that the following grew until they had enough fans to actually start stalking them and waiting outside their place. At first, the boys couldn't believe that so many girls liked them and their music enough to do what they were doing.

After a few days, they were quite honored that their music was able to reach that many people and they were glad they had such dedicated fans. So when weeks later their other music video came out and they were starting to be booked on shows, their following continued to grow and grow, and they were happy that things were working out so well, at least fanwise.

Management loved that they were getting such recognition and that it was so many Chinese fans that were taken with the band that it influenced their decision to book a couple more interviews and make another MV.

However, some good things never lasted long.

The boys were coming home from a training session when they saw their usual group of fans in front of the hostel they stayed.

Their manager was at the office doing some last minute paperwork, when he had given them some cab fare and explicitly told them that when the cab dropped them off that they were to go to their rooms, sleep, and that he would be back in a few hours. He had left Kris and Min Seok in charge of the group and expected them to be home safe. They may have been getting more popular, but they were still mostly unknown, so the manager trusted them enough to not get into trouble while he was gone.

So noticing the small group of girls, they knew they needed to be their best and talk to the girls, give them a few autographs, and get them to go home so their parents weren't worried. Luckily, there were only about seven girls, three with homemade signs and two with some gifts.

Even though they were tired and were more than willing to go to bed, they put a smile on their face and quickly forgot their fatigue for a few minutes.

Kris being the leader quickly thanked them for coming and asked for their names, a couple of girls even squealed when he turned to them and gave them one of his smiles. Lu Han and Yi Xing laughed a little at how popular the taller boy was, before they too greeted the girls and made small talk. Tao gave them some cute faces and talked about the new Gucci wallet he bought the other day.

Min Seok and Jong Dae gave the girls some smiles and a couple of cute hand gestures before trying to follow the conversations. For the most part, the two were able to understand what most of the girls were saying, but were a little afraid to speak and quite sparse in the words. Luckily, the girls understood they were still trying to learn Chinese and didn't take much offense, a few even cooed at how shy they were.

It wasn't until they were almost done with the conversation that one of the quieter girls of the group had made their way to the two to shyly say "Hello, I'm Eun Min."

"Hi Eun Min, I'm Xiu Min and this Chen. We're glad to meet you." Min Seok introduced, while Jong Dae smiled and gave a small nod.

"I-I know, and thanks. I know you guys are busy, but do you think you can autograph this book for me. You two are my favorites and-and, well, I would really like it if you could." She softly asked the two, taking out a small hardbound book, the pages littered with other autographs.

"Sure, we would love too." Jong Dae smiled and took the book away and quickly signed his name and writing a small note in Chinese.

Min Seok softly took the book from his hands when he was finished and quickly did the same before giving the girl a smile and handing the book back to her, "Thanks for supporting us."

She blushed at their words, before one of her friends noticed and slightly nudged her forward a little.

"Oh, yeah, before I forget, u-um would you guys accept this gift from me. It's chocolate and I didn't know what you guys liked so…" She softly trailed off, quietly taking a small plastic case from her purse. She thrust the gift into Min Seok's arms and gave Jong Dae a nod and look that said 'they're yours too.'

The case had their names on it and a small heart and 'fighting' sign. The two boys had received a few things from fans, but looking at the box and realizing that she must have made the chocolate made them feel a little warm inside.

"It's great and I love chocolate, not a better sweet in the world so thank you." Min Seok told, his eyebrows furrowed a little bit, hoping that he said the right words.

Jong Dae thanked her and gave a huge toothy smile, letting her know that he was pleased with the gift.

She nodded happily at them, understanding that they enjoyed the gift and were quite thankful for it, "Thank you, you guys are the best. Do well on your album, okay."

The two nodded at her, smiles still wide on their faces, as she and another girl gathered the rest of the group and turned to leave.

The group of boys gave little hearts, waves, and smiles as the group finally left; happiness flooding their senses.

Once the group of girls were far enough away, Kris quickly ushered them into the house. The others didn't notice the small box of chocolates the two received, too engrossed in their conversation of how nice the fans were that day.

"Hyung, do you think we should eat this now?" Jong Dae softly asked the older boy as he held the box in front of him.

"Of course, it's just chocolate. Nothing to worry about, this was made out of love, so we have to eat it." Min Seok gave with a smile.

"Yeah, you're right. But let me check which ones are okay for you to eat, okay Hyung."

And with that, the two carefully opened the box and looked at the small assortment of chocolates. There were six in total, all looking to be filled with chocolate mousse. None of them appeared to have any type of fruit flavorings in them, but wanting to make, Jong Dae quietly tore each chocolate in half.

Only noticing the chocolate mousse in them, he quietly ate a piece and smiled.

"These are really good Hyung, try one. They're just chocolate mousse."

"Don't mind if I do." Min Seok chuckled and took one of the chocolates for himself.

Popping one in his mouth, did the two of them hear Yi Xing ask, "You guys got chocolate too? You two and Kris were quite popular today. Kris got cherry jam filled chocolates."

But before Jong Dae could even answer, Min Seok started wheezing and lightly clawing at his throat like it was hard to breathe.

"Min Seok!" Yi Xing yelled before rushing towards the other boy, "Lu Han where's his epi-pen?"

"It's being sent in the mail, he used his last one a few weeks ago and hasn't received a new one." Lu Han answered.

Kris was already calling an ambulance, while Tao softly started crying, eyes widened in fear and worry.

Jong Dae couldn't move, his feet suddenly glued to the floor, chocolates falling from his grip.

_But I-I checked them, none of them had any cherry jam or cherries in it. I checked them! B-but why?_

"Ambulance will be here as soon as possible." Kris told them, before him and Lu Han took his pulse and tried to keep Min Seok's airways as open as possible until the ambulance got there.

Tao had somehow made his way to Yi Xing and was grabbing the other boy's hand in reassurance, tears were still streaming down his face. He was so scared, so worried, he didn't know what to do.

Jong Dae could lightly feel hot tears stream from his eyes.

_This is my entire fault._

To Be Continued…

Chapter Five: Wounds

_I hurt him; I really hurt him and all because of my stupidity, my inability to detect the one thing that Min Seok was allergic to. He could be dying because of me._

_I may never see him again._

_I put him in here because of my carelessness and now he could be dying._

_Oh god, the others must hate me. _

_They have to hate me, Min Seok Hyung could be dying and they must know that it was all my fault._

_All my fault... _

Jong Dae couldn't help but let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and force his head into his hands, his shoulders shaking from the effort. He could feel himself slowly slide to the floor as the bleach smell had made him slightly dizzy, while his emotions were giving way to nausea.

The only thing anchoring him was the cold tiles beneath him.

It had been an hour since the chocolate incident and there had been no update in Min Seok's condition, other than the fact that they had given him epinephrine and had him on oxygen. Lu Han mentioned that he had been passed out when they had finally got to the hospital, his heart rate was almost in the danger zone, and that his temperature had spiked up to 40° Celsius.

The team of doctors had him in the ICU, trying to cool his body down, lowering his heart rate, and hoping that epinephrine was enough to combat the anaphylactic shock.

The other boys were waiting patiently in the waiting room as Min Seok was fighting for his life. Yi Xing and Lu Han were silent from their emotions, frowns on their faces and bodies pressed together, each boy trying to gain as much heat and comfort as possible. While Kris had let Tao cry into his shoulder as he gently patted the other boy's back and tried to soothe the younger boy's frazzled nerves.

They were all worried for the older boy, and knew it was an honest mistake on Jong Dae's part to give the other boy the chocolates. However as they tried to reassure the boy that it wasn't his fault and that it could have happened to any of them, Jong Dae couldn't hear them.

In shock himself, Jong Dae had literally blocked out everything, until he had muttered a soft _'Bathroom, going to the bathroom,'_and locked himself in the room and had slid to the floor. He was silently breaking down, tearing himself apart, and physically making himself sick.

_It's all your fault, all of it. Couldn't do a simple thing and now Min Seok is fighting for his life in the ICU and yet you are crying in the bathroom._

_You're pathetic._

Feeling bile rise in his throat, Jong Dae rushed to the toilet, before everything he had ate that day had came up and resided in the porcelain bowl. The stench made him feel worse and his throat felt as if someone had taken a sharp brush and plunged it down his esophagus. His insides continued to swirl around, and he couldn't help but throw up again.

His body shook from the effort and his eyes were wet with tears.

Feeling pain spasm from his stomach to his chest, he shook as his body dry heaved and saliva dripped from his wretched mouth.

His stomach slowly settled and all Jong Dae could do was shakily lay his head on the edge of the seat, breathing heavily until he felt he had enough strength to pull himself up.

His body itched and felt as if ants were crawling along his skin.

Throwing up always made him feel dirty and disgusting.

"Jong Dae, you okay?" Lu Han's voice softly interrupted him, before he could hear Yi Xing's worried, "We heard you throwing up, is everything okay?"

Sighing, he quickly gave a "Yeah, I'm okay, just give me a few minutes."

The two boys on the other side of the door replied with soft 'Okay's' before he could hear the sound of their shoes walking a few steps to the side, revealing that they hadn't left him alone and were quietly waiting outside the bathroom door.

Knowing that if he didn't come out when he said that they would probably break the down the door, Jong Dae slowly pulled himself together and walked the few steps to the sink.

Turning the faucet on, a steady stream of water sloshed around the sink, waiting for the water to turn hot. Feeling a little better at the steady sound, he carefully washed his face, hands, and arms, letting the burn of the water ground him. Grabbing handful after handful, he swished the hot water around his mouth, cringing at how hot the water was, before spitting it out. Doing this several times until he couldn't taste anymore vomit and his mouth felt relatively cleaner, he quietly looked at himself in the mirror.

His face was slightly red from the warm water and his eyes were red and bloodshot from crying. His face was thinner than he had remembered it being, and he looked quite haggard.

Giving one last sigh, he turned away from his reflection and silently undid the lock on the door. Cautiously walking out, he noticed that Lu Han and Yi Xing had waited for him. Looking at the floor, head down in submission, he waited for the two to speak.

"'You okay?" Lu Han softly asked.

Jong Dae softly nodded, silently wishing that his hair was slightly longer and could shield his eyes. Flinching when he felt a hand grip his shoulder, he cautiously looked up to see Yi Xing gently look at him.

"It's not your fault, those chocolates weren't supposed to have cherry jam in them. Those girls probably used the same utensils causing those chocolates to have traces of jam and you know how Min Seok is sensitive to the fruit. You couldn't have known that, okay, so don't blame yourself."

"No one blames you Jong Dae, we understand it was an accident and could have easily happened to any one of us." Lu Han softly told him, agreeing with YI Xing's words.

Jong Dae knew they were right, but he couldn't help but still feel guilty about what happened.

It didn't matter if it was an accident or that it could have happened to any of them; Min Seok was still fighting behind those doors. He couldn't feel better until he knew Min Seok was okay and was on the mend. He needed to know Min Seok was okay, before he could forgive himself.

Knowing that the other two wouldn't understand, he silently nodded, trying to placate their feelings. Feeling the gentle squeeze from Yi Xing and Lu Han softly grab his wrist before gently pulling him along, the two were satisfied with his answer.

Letting the two pull him back to the waiting room, he didn't notice their manager talking to Kris until the two older boys stopped and took their hands back, their comfort.

Kris and the manager were fiercely talking to each other, anger apparent across the older boys face and his body poised defensively.

Tao was back into the wall a few feet away from them, a new wave of tears streaming down his cheeks. Lu Han quickly made his way to the younger boy and softly began to talk to calm the younger boy down and find out what was going on.

It wasn't until Jong Dae made out the muttered words of '_Chocolates, fans, and Chen-Chen_,' did he feel his world turn upside down.

It took less than a second for the manager to turn around and spot the boy before angrily walking to him and grabbing him roughly by the arm and dragging him away from the group. Telling the other manager to look after the others, he forced the two of them outside and down the street until he found a small opening that provided some privacy. Pushing the boy back into the wall, until his back touched the rough of the bricks and bore painfully into his back; a sharp, unsmooth edge jutted out of the wall and scraped roughly against the boy's shirt.

Rounding on the thin boy, he let the anger and worry continue to get the better of him, "How could you let Min Seok eat those chocolates? Didn't you realize those chocolates had cherries in them? He's allergic to cherries!"

Jong Dae tried to answer, but before he could even speak up, the manager began again, "How could you be so stupid? It doesn't take a genius to realize-"

"B-but Manager Hyung they weren't supposed to be cherry filled chocolates-" Before Jong Dae could even finish, he heard the loud smack and a sharp but smooth pain radiate from his cheek, his face turning from the impact.

Disbelief flashed through his eyes as he turned his head to look at his manager, noticing the man reeked in anger and didn't care that he had just slapped the boy. The slap didn't hurt as much as being beaten by a cane, but the humiliation and raw emotions that came with the simple gesture made the boy's heart clench in pain.

Feeling hurt, he silently brought his hand to his face and gingerly touch his cheek only to wince in pain.

"Don't interrupt me while I'm talking." The manager angrily told him and Jong Dae could only nod at the harsh words, before the older man started to verbally attack him with his words.

Quietly listening to the other man, he couldn't help but feel worse with every word. His emotions were going haywire and he felt as if he was right to think that it was his fault and that the manager blamed him for what happened and wanted him to know every reason and detail to why it was. He didn't offer comfort or try to tell him differently, he aimed to hurt and tear apart the younger boy.

His cheek stung painfully, giving further reason to his stupidity, while his arm throbbed from the where the manager had roughly grabbed his arm earlier, but he continued to listen to the man's words as best as he could.

"-Min Seok is in the ER, the ICU for your stunt, your stupidity-"

"-If you had just thrown away the chocolates, none of this would have happened in the first place-"

"-Did you want Min Seok to die-"

On and on it went, every comment meant to hurt, meant to cut him deep like a knife, and all he could do was nod and silently listen, because in some perverse way, he knew this was what he deserved.

Letting himself drown within the abuse, he didn't notice his manager stop talking to him until the man roughly grabbed his shoulders and shook him, his head smacking the bricks of the building behind him.

"Did you listen to anything I said?"

Jong Dae nodded, tears welling up behind his eyes, before the manager pushed him back into the wall, the edge sliding against his skin painfully as it caught under his shirt and dug into the bruise that was forming there.

Taking the boy's nod for an answer, the manager quickly set the boy along the wall and pushed him down until his upper half and his lower half made a ninety-degree angle and he was supporting himself against the wall by his legs.

Moving away from the boy, he silently told the younger boy to stay in that position until he said stop.

Jong Dae nodded at the command and quietly did as he was told.

He silently sat that way against the wall, his legs and core keeping him upright, but as minutes passed, he could feel the strain in his muscles.

Noticing the boy's imperfect position, he quickly went to resituate the boy against the wall until he was back in his original position to continue holding himself that way. However, before he could command the boy to stay that way for a set of minutes, Kris had made his way to them, his eyes filled with anger and worry.

"What are you doing?" The tall boy angrily asked the man.

"Punishing him, he's going to sit like this for the next twenty minutes or so until I say stop." The manager replied, not even looking at the taller boy.

"He doesn't need to be punished, he hasn't done anything wrong."

"It doesn't matter what you think, and if you continue to speak to me this way, I will definitely double your punishment later."

Kris didn't budge at the man's words.

Jong Dae may have made a mistake, but what was going on, what had already happened was more than enough for the boy to realize the implications of the situation.

"I don't care; right now you aren't punishing him, but hurting and humiliating him. He doesn't need what you are trying to do. He is just as worried and scared as us; he needs the others just as much as we need him."

Looking at the other's expression, the manager knew he wasn't going to leave without Jong Dae, he angrily sighed, "Fine, but later he will be making this up."

Kris didn't say anything, but silently waited for the manager to leave, before he went to pull the younger boy from his position, only for the boy to stumble and fall against him. Hands reached out and clenched his shirt, and Kris couldn't help but be worried at the boy's unusual lack of grace. However, the feel of wet tears against his shirt and Jong Dae's form starting to softly shake, Kris quickly wrapped his arms around the boy, and held him.

"I'm sorry hyung." The boy softly cried and Kris could only rub the boy's back for a few minutes before he rubbed the boy's head soothingly, only to feel something wet against his fingers.

Slowly bringing his hand towards his line of vision, he froze at the sight of blood across his hand.

"Jong Dae?"

The boy mumbled a small "Yes Hyung?" and sniffled a little bit. He could feel the other boys still softly crying against him, but it was dying down to little hiccups and sniffles.

"We're going to go back to the hospital and we're going to have to get someone to check the back of your head. You have a cut or something and it's bleeding a little bit." He calmly told the other boy, lightly moving the boy's head to get a better look at the wound, only to notice a mess of blood in the boy's hair.

"Okay." The boy whispered before suddenly sagging against the other boy, the day's events finally catching up to him.

"Jong Dae?"

"H-hyung, I-I don't think I can walk, and I-I f-feel a little dizzy." Jong Dae stuttered weakly against him and Kris couldn't help but be worried.

Jong Dae didn't like admitting weakness or asking for help and for him to admit something like this sent alarm bells off in his head.

"I'll carry you. I'm going to bend down and you're going to get on my back, okay?" Kris gave and slowly turned around and went into a kneeling position.

Jong Dae wrapped his arms around the boy's shoulders and Kris locked his arms underneath the boy's knees, before standing up and quickly walking back to the hospital.

Kris smoldered in anger at their manager for losing control like that, and worry that Jong Dae may have had a concussion and needed stitches for the head wound.

Letting out a breath, Kris composed himself as best as he could, before walking back through those red doors.

The others needed him to be strong, to be their leader, and Kris just hoped that he was doing that, because right now, he couldn't afford to be anything else.

To Be Continued…

Chapter Six: Recovering Forgiveness

Once the epinephrine kicked in, the oxygen giving his swelled lungs some much needed air, and finally having his temperature fallen to a more respectable level, only a couple of hours passed until Min Seok stirred from his unconscious state. Gasping a little at the pain, he slowly opened his eyes and silently groaned. The white surroundings and the light smell of bleach assaulted his senses and he couldn't help but frown.

He hated the hospital.

However, feeling the tightness of his lungs and how sore his body felt, he remembered why he was in the hospital in the first place.

Sighing to himself as he remembered the way the fans had been so excited to see them, to talk to them, and give them their chocolates. Remembering the small little box that had his and Jong Dae's names on it: he knew that a lot of time had been spent on making those chocolates. They looked good and he had been looking forward to eating them, especially since Jong Dae said they were-

Wait, Jong Dae!

He had been the one to look over the chocolates; he had been the one that made sure it was okay for him to eat. Finding the strength to move, he quickly pushed himself up to his arms and looked over to see Lu Han and Yi Xing talking quietly. Kris, Tao, and Jong Dae were nowhere to be seen.

Where was Jong Dae? Where was he?

It wasn't his fault, he had to tell the boy that it wasn't his fault, but where was he?

"Lu?" He softly whispered, flinching at how hoarse his voice sounded and the way his throat burned when he spoke.

"Min Seok?!" Lu Han exclaimed, almost jumping out of his seat as he noticed the slightly older boy awake.

Yi Xing turned towards the older boy, a small smile on his face, "Glad you're awake."

Min Seok nodded, "Yeah, feel sore though."

"Well, it was a close one; you all gave us quite the scare, especially Lu Han here, been really worried about you."

"Yeah, try not to do that ever again, I don't think my nerves could take it. I was so worried, but thank goodness you're awake!" Lu Han told the boy as he grasped his hand and lightly rubbed, "Thank goodness."

Min Seok blushed lightly at the action, but frowned lightly when Yi Xing quietly took out his phone and frowned. Taking notice of Yi Xing's darkened expression, Min Seok couldn't help but feel that things were definitely not right and none of it had to do with him waking up.

_Where are they? Where's Jong Dae? Kris? Tao?_

"Where's the others?" Min Seok softly asked, turning so he was able to look Lu Han in the eye before looking over to Yi Xing.

Yi Xing bowed his head until his hair covered his eyes; hands were made into fists at his side. Lu Han frowned at his question, but calmly looked at him, before taking a deep breath.

"When you were admitted here, we were all really worried, especially Tao and Jong Dae," Lu Han admitted, "But Hyun Joo-ge wasn't happy with what happened and he ended up punishing Jong Dae."

Min Seok gasped a little, "Why? It wasn't his fault; no one would have known that those chocolates had traces of cherries in them. Even after Jong Dae checked them, I quickly checked the one I was eating too; there was nothing there to say that they weren't mousse chocolates."

"We know that and you know that, but Hyun Joo-ge wasn't very happy with what happened, and you know how stressed he's been lately, he obviously needed someone to take it out on and Jong Dae was the easiest person for him to blame." Yi Xing quietly told him.

"B-but you know how Jong Dae is, he must be blaming himself! A-and you guys didn't try to stop him-"

Lu Han quickly cut him off, "We tried, but he had Sung Me-ge and Tan Xing-ge make sure we didn't try anything, Kris was lucky enough to talk them down after half an hour and allow him to check up on Jong Dae-"

"Is something wrong, did Jong Dae get hurt? Is it bad? What happened?" Min Seok asked, worry apparent in his voice, his body going numb at the recognition of his Dongsaeng getting hurt.

Yi Xing sighed, tension lines running through his body, "It could have been worse, but Hyun Joo-ge still hurt him pretty bad."

"Somehow Jong Dae cut the back of his head and his back is heavily bruised. The cut was bad enough for him to need stitches and the concussion he had, it was serious enough to warrant an overnight stay in the hospital." Lu Han growled, just thinking about what happened angered him.

"What?!"

Lu Han and Yi Xing could only agree with his statement, they were quite angry and frustrated themselves at what happened. Thank goodness that Kris was able to get there when he did, because going by the look on his face, the manager obviously crossed the line and was probably going to hurt the boy worse than he did.

"Yeah, right now Sung Me-ge and Tan Xing-ge kicked him out of here. I have never seen Sung Me-ge as mad as he was when Kris came back with Jong Dae. They weren't expecting Jong Dae to be hurt, and you know how they are when it comes to punishing us.

"They punish themselves and make us watch or use those other untraditional methods of punishment so that we learn from our mistakes." Min Seok gave.

"Yes, so you can see why Sung Me-ge was quite angry. I don't know what's going to happen to Hyun Joo-ge, but instead of punishing Jong Dae, he took out his anger and frustration on the other boy. It could have been a lot worse."

Min Seok could only slump against the headboard of the hospital bed, "Tao and Kris are with him?"

Lu Han nodded, "Once Tao knew you were going to be okay and came by to visit to make sure the doctors were telling the truth, he's been with Jong Dae ever since. I'm pretty sure he passed out by now, he's been worried for both of you and all the crying has really taken a lot out of him. Kris has been making rounds between the two of you, so he should be by soon."

"Okay." Min Seok yawned, suddenly tired.

Yi Xing softly chuckled, "Don't worry Ge-ge, you can go to sleep, we'll tell Kris you woke up. And tomorrow, we'll make sure you get to talk to Jong Dae."

Min Seok nodded and slowly laid himself on his bed.

_What a mess this is._

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Kris sighed as he waited outside Min Seok's door, hoping that Min Seok would be able to take care of Jong Dae's guilt and get him to believe that everything wasn't his fault. Him and the other boys had tried to tell the quiet boy that it was a simple mistake and Min Seok wouldn't blame him, but having the other boy believe their words was another story. Hyun Joo-ge really messed things up for the younger boy, and Kris knew that the man's actions had left mental scars and enough guilt and feelings of worthlessness that could kill a man.

Jong Dae didn't deserve what happened to him, and just thinking about it got Kris' blood boiling. It was going to take him and the others a while to boost Jong Dae's self-esteem and get him to trust them again. It was as if everything he and the others had been working on had literally gone down the drain.

It wasn't just Jong Dae either; all of them took an emotional beating when they found out what conspired between the younger boy and their manager. Kris only had to mention a few words and have the younger boy lying on his back, almost passed out to scare the others into submission.

Just thinking back to their reactions, out of all of them he knew that Tao wasn't going to be the same. Just seeing his face darken in horror and eyes fill with tears before he softly began sobbing again, he knew that it wasn't going to be just Jong Dae that would need some help and watching over.

Tao hadn't just trusted the man, but had lived with the man when he needed help learning Korean and for him to see what happened to Jong Dae…

It had to have literally ruined the boy's trust for the man and probably the trust he had for the other managers as well. It was going to take a while for him to trust them again, if he ever decided to trust Hyun Joo-ge ever. However, when Kris thought back to those eyes, Tao's eyes darkened and dull from their usual brightness really killed the older boy inside.

Kris was in charge of these boys and to see things like this happen had really hurt him. It wouldn't have been that bad if it were just Min Seok having to go to the hospital, but to see Jong Dae beaten by their manager, and the other boys look distrustfully at Hyun Joo-ge or having to have the man banned from the hospital, it was insane.

He was their leader and he wanted to make sure things like this didn't happen. He wanted to shield them, especially Jong Dae and Tao from the darker sides of the media world. Yet, this had to happen.

Sighing and vowing to himself to keep watch on the younger boys, he leaned against the door and waited for Jong Dae and Min Seok to be done with their much needed to talk.

Jong Dae needed to hear that Min Seok didn't blame him, and Jong Dae needed to get his fear and the needless guilt off his chest, and only the one who could do that was Min Seok himself.

However, he quietly tried to ignore what was happening, but he still froze when he heard Jong Dae's "I-I'm so so sorry, I'm so sorry Hyung, so sorry."

Kris shakily let out another breath.

_Oh Jong Dae._

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"I-I'm so so sorry, I'm so sorry Hyung, so sorry." Jong Dae quietly said, tears softly coming from his eyes, "I-I didn't mean for it to happen. I didn't!"

Min Seok grabbed the other boy's hand and lightly grasped it.

"I know Jong Dae, I know. It wasn't your fault. I checked the one I was eating too; I didn't see anything wrong with it either. It's okay, you don't need to blame yourself."

Jong Dae shook his head, "But Hyung, I-I-It's all my fault, Hyun Joo Hyung said-"

"Jong Dae!" Min Seok exclaimed, "It's not your fault, and if Hyun Joo said anything to make you think differently, he's wrong, okay. I don't blame you at all. If anything, I blame having bad luck, but I don't blame you."

Jong Dae didn't know what to say, but he couldn't believe that Min Seok wasn't blaming him for what happened. It was his entire fault, wasn't it?

He knew Kris and the others had told him the same thing, but the guilt that engulfed him wouldn't allow him to believe it. It had been his fault for being so stupid, so idiotic, and having Hyun Joo Hyung blame him for what happened just enforced that fact. Hyung Joo Hyung was older and more experienced and was their manager, of course he would know it's his fault and take it out on him, punish him for his wrong doings. It was his job to make sure he learnt from his mistakes.

However, hearing Min Seok calmly tell him it wasn't his fault was too much to take.

"B-but you almost died!"

Min Seok sighed and softly lifted Jong Dae's chin so that he would be looking into his eyes. "Jong Dae, how do you think my parents felt when they learned I was allergic to cherries after they gave me my first cherry filled pastries?"

"B-bad I suppose, b-but they didn't know about-"

"Yes, they didn't and they felt the same way as you, but there was no way of them knowing and once the doctor told them that they couldn't have done anything but make sure things like this didn't happen again, they forgave themselves.

"You may have known about my allergies, but there was no way of knowing that those chocolates had cherries in them and I hold you no way accountable to what happened. In fact, if you want to blame anyone, blame my bad luck and myself for not having an epi-pen; it was my fault for not getting one right away and leading me to the hospital."

Jong Dae just shook his head, "But Hyung you didn't know that you would have an allergic reaction. You always check what you eat and make sure it doesn't have cherries in it-"

"So you say it's not my fault because I didn't know and you say it's your fault because you didn't know those chocolates had cherries in it. We both didn't know and yet how can it only be your fault? How can't that be?" Min Seok asked, smiling a little, knowing that this type of logic would probably work against the younger man.

Jong Dae blushed, "I-I-"

"Jong Dae, don't try to tell me differently okay. It's neither of our faults, we both didn't know. It was an accident that couldn't have been avoided and I'm all right, so you have nothing to worry about it anymore. So please listen to me and believe what I'm saying is true."

Jong Dae could only sigh in response, Min Seok Hyung had a point, but he still felt awful for what happened. Looking at the other boy, he knew he wasn't going to be able to say anything else, so letting himself think about, he softly gave a "Maybe you're right."

Min Seok could only laugh, "I'm right, and as your Hyung, you should always listen to me, okay."

Jong Dae wiped his tear stained face and gave a small laugh, "Yes, Hyung," before bursting into another set of tears.

"Oh, Jong Dae, it's okay, just let it out." Min Seok softly told him and pulled him closer to him so he could wrap his arms around the boy and let him cry into his shoulder.

Softly 'Shoo'ing him and rubbing circles into his back, he let the boy continue his actions until his shoulder was soaked with tears and the boy couldn't cry anymore.

He may have been able to convince Jong Dae enough that it wasn't his fault, but he knew that it would take a while for the boy to open up again, trust his Hyungs, and be the Jong Dae they know and love again.

He just hoped that things would look up, but knowing how these things worked, he knew it had to be the calm before the storm.

_Please, let us be okay; let Jong Dae be okay, because I don't think he'll be able to take something like this again, so please let us enjoy our lives._

To Be Continued…

Chapter Seven: Smiling Your Sorrows Away

Kris sighed a little when he looked at the plastic and paper bags that were hanging from his arms as he waited for Tao and Jong Dae to come back from getting some bubble tea. He couldn't help but cringe whenever he looked at the Armani and Gucci bags that lined his arms, knowing that they easily held some expensive items. The Nike and Calvin Klein bags that were intermixed looked a tad bit tacky next to them, the orange clashing with the blue and black tones of the designer brand bags.

Compared to Tao, who usually shopped until he dropped, Kris had only needed a new pair of running shoes. Spending a few minutes trying a few pairs on, it hadn't taken him long to find the ones that he wanted. The two pairs of shorts and shirts had been an afterthought.

Tao had easily spent an arm and leg today with his shopping compared to him and Jong Dae who probably spent less than a hundred dollars each on their items. Tao may have been a bargain shopper for the most part, but he was also an impulse buyer too, so Kris was sure there were at least two pieces that hadn't been on sale.

And for Tao, who had to make sure everything looked good, had easily spent an hour or so just trying everything on. Kris was quite used to Tao's ability to shop and the hours he spent making sure they looked good, but Jong Dae had been surprised to see how much Tao could actually shop.

All the boys have shopped together before, but due to always shopping groups, Jong Dae hadn't realized how much of an avid shopper the youngest was.

He on the other hand had taken a few minutes in Calvin Klein to look at a few button-down shirts, before finding similar ones in the sale aisle. Obviously choosing those instead, he had quickly made a purchase within a couple of minutes. Didn't even need to try anything on, just knowing that the darker colors he bought looked nice against his complexion.

Tao couldn't believe the older boy had made the purchase so fast and bought something so incredibly boring looking. So being his fashion savvy self, he had tried taking the boy to some of the smaller boutiques and trying to get him to try on some of the more crazier stuff. It didn't work very well, but he had managed to talk the older boy into getting a pair of army green skinnies and a distressed denim jacket.

It was safe to say, by that point that Jong Dae was more than tired and was ready to get some food and take a break for a while. Knowing that the older boys were tired, Tao had quickly decided that they should get some bubble tea. The two boys quickly agreed to the suggestion and Tao had Kris wait with their manager Sung Me while he and Jong Dae would get drinks.

Not going to argue since his arms were tired, he quietly found a bench to sit on next to a nearby fountain. Sung Me left him alone for the time being, knowing that he needed to be by himself for a few minutes.

He couldn't believe that he had gotten stuck being the pack mule for the two boys. Just thinking back to earlier, he couldn't help but scold himself for caving so easily.

Damn the maknae for using such a good aegyo. He thought he was finally getting immunity to it, and yet, Tao had easily made him cave.

Maybe he needed to get some lessons from Yi Xing, because that boy hardly indulged the youngest member unless it had something to do with food.

He could remember Jong Dae's face, when he heard the two of them. Just off to the side, the boy had just quietly watched them before breaking out in laughter when he had seen the youngest had dropped his set of bags on him and started walking way, expecting the older boy to follow.

It hadn't taken long for the younger boy to quiet his laughter and try to help him with Tao's bags. However, Kris, who was quite used to Tao's slightly bratty, shopping behavior, had easily shrugged the younger boy off and pushed him in Tao's direction. It hadn't been long before Tao had managed to buy a few more things and basically had him carry them.

From there, it had been inevitable for him to end up carrying Jong Dae's things as well. Of course, Jong Dae had been perfectly fine with carrying his own bags and had protested against the thought of Kris carrying them. However, just looking at Tao, Kris knew he couldn't just give the bags back, because if he did, Tao would have had his head.

Ever since the hospital visit, Tao had been a little overprotective of the older boy and was easily on edge whenever the other managers were present. So he spoiled the older boy a little bit and did everything he could to make sure the older boy was having fun. Jong Dae hadn't noticed it, but Kris, who was decent at reading people, had quickly caught the changes in the youngest's behavior.

It wasn't anything too worrying, because under the circumstances, the other boys were quite on edge, as well. It wasn't everyday that something like that happened or having one of their managers take out their anger on them. They knew that punishment was sometimes needed, but doing it while angry and not knowing the whole story was a big no.

Just knowing that Hyun Joo was transferring was a big relief to them, but the trust that was lost was still apparent between the boys and their managers. Sung Me and Tan Xing were quietly working with them to rebuild it, but it was a wary process, especially for their relationship with Tao. Tao was nowhere near ready to let go of his anger yet, and he wouldn't do so until Jong Dae was completely okay in his eyes.

Kris was just hoping that this little shopping trip would help a little, shopping had always been a big stress reliever for Tao, and he hoped that Jong Dae would get something out of this as well.

Knowing this, he had motioned for Tao to carry the shorter boy into a small boutique, while he quietly strolled behind them, obtaining more and more bags of items until the two finally decided to stop.

Pulling himself from his reminiscing, he quietly waited for the two to come back with some bubble tea. Quietly staring at the water fountain in front of him, he carefully catalogued his thoughts.

He just hoped that this was the start of things looking up.

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_"These boys can't even speak Chinese, you don't have to cheer for them." _

Jong Dae can remember the words vividly in his head, can remember the whole award show and how awkward and misconceived it was. He knows that the MC and the others meant no harm with their words, but to the Chinese members of the group, he knew they had taken it hard.

He had taken it hard too, but he really had no reason to be angry other than being angry and upset for his fellow members' behalves. He wasn't Chinese, he didn't speak Chinese, and compared to the other Chinese groups, he would always be the Korean outsider.

He accepted that. He had to accept that he would always be viewed that way. He wasn't a native-born Chinese person. He was just a Korean trying to learn their language and trying to make it in an idol group that catered to China.

It was inevitable for him and Min Seok to be viewed that way, and his manager hyungs had warned them about it, had made sure they understood that they wouldn't be met with flowers and smiles at first, especially by their Chinese Sunbae.

It was a necessary struggle that Min Seok and he had to take, but to obtain their dreams it was worth the extra struggles. However, to the native Chinese members of the group, he knew it was a struggle for them to not lash out at the hateful words, to not lash out and protect him and Min Seok from the glares and disgust. For Yi Xing, Lu Han, and Tao, it was a constant struggle for them to show them that not everyone cared that they had two Korean members or that they were under a Korean Music Company.

It was a struggle for them to show those who doubted them that they had similar roots and weren't trying to do any harm. For Lu Han and Tao, China was their home, and just to see their people disregard their feelings, it was quite the blow to their self-esteem. Yi Xing had quickly understood that there was going to be some initial backlash and had been ready for it, but it still didn't mean it hurt any less.

Kris just kept them all together. Being the leader, he made sure they kept their cools and didn't let other people's unprofessionalism ruin how they treated their seniors and gave respect. Kris made sure to do what he could and diffuse the awkward and hurtful situations.

It was a struggle for him as a leader to a group like theirs, for being basically half Chinese/half Korean, where half the members were trying to learn each other's language, there was bound to be problems and misconceptions due to the language barrier. Months of getting closer to each other and creating bonds had eliminated a lot of problems and had created a brotherhood between them. However, the group still needed a capable leader who had a good presence, was able to easily gain control in any situation, and someone that members and other people could respect. Out of all the boys, Kris had that maturity and stance that made him a good leader.

Kris had easily understood the member's plights, him being able to understand the Chinese member's pain and outrage for what was happening, while he could understand Jong Dae and Min Seok's struggles with being outsiders. Kris may have been Chinese himself, had been born in China, but for someone who had lived half of their life in Canada and then had trained for a couple of years in Korea had easily been seen as an outsider.

However, Kris was just naturally charismatic and was one of those people that had this cool, but strong personality that made others drawn to him.

He was professional, polite, and made sure that the group had shown their respect and kept a professional image. He had made sure they wouldn't break under the pressure and that they weren't going to let a couple of misguided words get them down or even try to stop them from their dreams. He made sure they understood that their passion and hard work would be the key to win China over.

It was these times where Jong Dae knew why SM Entertainment had chosen Kris over Yi Xing and Min Seok hyung. Kris could withstand the pressure and the struggles and was easily able to lead a group such as themselves.

To Jong Dae, Kris was someone he could easily look up to, could depend on.

However, Jong Dae had always had a problem with trusting people, had trouble putting his faith into people to stick with him until the end.

His family had gave up him, had made sure he knew where he stood. Even months after knowing about his debut, they still could only stay on the sidelines, only talking to him if he initiated anything. In school, none of the teachers cared enough about him and only thought of him as a number, a number that ensured their success as a teacher. They never saw him as a person with hopes and dreams. While his friends, could barely be called friends. Ever since they found out about the training and his possible debut, they couldn't understand him anymore and were quite jealous of his newfound fame. Even though Jong Dae tried his hardest to be a person all of them could be proud to know, they still kicked him where it hurt.

It was no wonder to him, a person who had trouble expressing himself and his feelings that he would have problems with trusting other people. It wasn't like he didn't want to trust people, but through his life, he had found that he could only rely on himself. He didn't know how to trust somebody unconditionally, because to him, trust was easily taken advantage of or painfully destroyed.

However, with the EXO members, he wanted to trust them so bad that he had no idea what to do about it. He was painfully lost and insecure about his relationship with them. They were slowly tearing down the walls that he had put around his heart to guard himself, and he didn't know how to stop them, or if he didn't want them to stop.

The others simply cared about him and tried to make him feel as if he had a home to go to, that he was worth it, that even though they were colleagues, they were friends and brothers.

He didn't understand why they continued to try so hard for him.

He knew he had a good voice, but he wasn't that special compared to the other boys. He wasn't charismatic like Kris. He wasn't cute or adorable like Tao. He wasn't strong like Min Seok. He didn't have that calm, soothing nature that Yi Xing always carried. He wasn't like Lu Han who had easily adopted all the boys into his heart and tried to take care of them.

He was just Jong Dae, who had the amazing voice.

However, with the others, it seemed like he was more than that. It seemed like he had a place beside them.

The others had easily wormed their ways into him, and he could probably say that he wouldn't be able to live without them. So it was natural for him to be sad when they were sad, or to be angry when they were hurt, or to smile when all they thought about was smiling.

Yet, he still couldn't overcome his fears, his weakness of being unable to trust them explicitly.

The only thing he knew to do was to make sure they could count on him, that they knew how hard he was trying, that they knew that he was doing everything he could to be someone they could be proud of.

He had made many mistakes, deathly mistakes, and all he could do was make sure they knew how much he cherished them, how much he was starting to love them, how much he couldn't let them down and be a burden.

So he tried to smile more and keep a more happy and content aura that would lessen his hyung's and his dongsaeng's burdens.

It was easier than he thought to exude this fake confidence and happiness that he created and easily make the others smile and worry less. The façade was quite similar to Kris and the other hyungs when they had faced adversity and had easily deterred the bad situation with a look and a smile. Even the managers worried less and things had quietly gone back to normal, or as normal as they could for a group like them.

They still faced the racism and the hardships of being an idol, but to Jong Dae who had taken to smiling and laughing to whenever something bad happened, had easily led the others astray.

They didn't know that he was having a hard time coping with everything, that he felt too stressed to eat sometimes or felt sick after eating because he worried too much, that he couldn't sleep, and felt a lot more lethargic than usual.

He knew that he needed to take care of himself, and he was trying to.

However, the late night study sessions he still gave himself or trying to perfect those difficult dance moves that Yi Xing could easily do or practicing his enunciation when he sang, it was all taking a toll on him.

Yet, because he was smiling and laughing, he looked like he was still taking care of himself and that he was coping and that the others didn't need to worry.

He was okay. He was more than okay actually and all he had to do was keep on smiling and bear the situation for a little while longer until he didn't need to anymore.

Thing is, he didn't know when he didn't need to, and he wouldn't know until it was too late.

To Be Continued…

Chapter Eight: Practice Makes Perfect

Lu Han did not know why he woke up, but the sense of foreboding that encompassed his body and the slight uneasiness that came with it made his stomach hurt.

Something was not quite right, and it wasn't something he could just forget about and roll back to sleep, but something that he needed to find out for himself.

Something had to be wrong to warrant such a response, and he could not just ignore the fact.

Silently getting out of bed, and tiptoeing across the room, he took notice that Yi Xing was quietly sleeping, sheets strewn across his body and a foot hanging off the bed.

Letting out a small chuckle, he gave a sigh of relief, Yi Xing was obviously okay if he was sleeping like that, probably wouldn't even wake if an earthquake passed through.

Closing the door behind him, he turned on the light and quietly made his way down the hall. Stopping at another door and quietly opening it, he let his eyes adjust a little bit and scanned the room.

Tao and Min Seok were fast asleep. Min Seok was quietly sleeping; his blankets wrapped around him like a little cocoon, while he softly smiled and sighed happily as if he was dreaming about something good. Tao, on the other hand, was curled up like a koala bear, back against the wall, and a big stuffed panda in his arms. Lu Han could make out the younger boy's soft snores, and knew that he would be out until morning.

"Nothing to worry about here, they'll be asleep until Kris wakes them up." He softly whispered and closed the door.

Retreating from their room, he made his way to Kris and Jong Dae's, only to notice a small light permeating from the hallway towards his right. Unconsciously knowing that whatever it was that was making him feel so uneasy had to be coming from one of the other rooms, he disregarded the bedroom. Turning, he made his way through the living area into the kitchen.

Walking into the lit room, he could not help but notice the pile of books and papers that were scattered across the kitchen table. Highlighted passages and small notes littered the pages.

Neat Chinese writing stared back at him; the books on the table were beginner to intermediate Chinese language books.

In the background, he could lightly hear the slight mumbling of Chinese as if it was coming from a pair of earphones.

It was obvious to him that Jong Dae had to have been studying for quite a while for him to have made such a mess.

Looking towards the clock on the stove, he winced at the numbers, noting how late it really was.

It was pass three in the morning. Frowning at the time, he silently cursed himself for not noticing anything sooner.

Jong Dae did not suddenly get better at Chinese, or had the language suddenly click inside his mind. He wasn't like Min Seok or Tao, who took to their languages much easier than he did. He had struggled from the very beginning.

Jong Dae could have only gotten better by practice. The workbooks and notes proved that he had spent hours teaching himself Chinese, while the small stack of CDs told him that Jong Dae had to have listened to them multiple times.

Moving towards the kitchen table he quietly started organizing, only to notice the sleeping figure across a set of chairs, body halfway under the table. Walking closer to the boy and kneeling down, he noticed that Jong Dae was using a light jacket as a blanket and his upper arm as a pillow.

Looking closely at the boy's face, he noticed the slight bags that were apparent under his eyes and revealed that this type of studying wasn't a onetime thing or a recent occurrence.

How long had this been going?

Did anyone know that Jong Dae had been studying like this?

Did Kris?

He didn't know, but looking at the sleeping boy, he never thought the boy would take his studies so seriously that he would fall asleep against some wooden chairs, too exhausted to care.

It worried him to see Jong Dae like this, and yet, he hadn't noticed a thing.

Was he that oblivious?

He didn't think he was, but this situation just seemed to point to yes.

Knowing that the boy was fast asleep, he grabbed a pillow and blanket from the couch. Slipping a pillow under the boy's head and laying the blanket across him, he turned to the table and found a pen and blank piece of paper.

Scribbling a quick:

_Jong Dae,_

_We'll talk tomorrow about your study habits._

_Lu Han_

He walked back to Kris and the younger boy's room. Opening the door, he shook his head at the sight of the other quietly toss and turn.

It wasn't just him that was worried, but Kris as well.

Shutting the door, he quietly let himself walk back to his room.

It was during times like these where he would hate to have the leader's position.

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Jong Dae was quite thankful that Lu Han didn't make a big deal out of his study habits and tell Kris. But he hated the fact that Lu Han took his Chinese materials away from him and supervised his study session. It was helpful to have him there to help, but the older boy only let him study for an hour or two before he would take the supplies away and send him off.

He didn't know how he was going to get any better at Chinese that way, because the only reason he learned anything was by practicing for hours.

It even got to the point that Min Seok would join in and quietly study a little more, even though he could clearly understand what most people were talking about without a translator.

It was nice to have his friends by his side, but he just didn't know how to handle them doing what they were doing.

If he tried to do anything different or try to study any longer than what Lu Han told him to do, the older boy would glare at him and scold him. For someone with such soft and cute features, the glare was slightly scary.

However, being quite stubborn, he had taken the free time to practice his dancing.

If he couldn't better himself at Chinese, he should be able to improve his dance skills.

He knew he was a decent dancer, but he wasn't the best out of the six, Yi Xing hyung had that title.

In fact, if he thought about it, he was probably the worst out of them. He wasn't like Yi Xing who only had to take a few tries before he was dancing flawlessly. Or Lu Han or Min Seok who had that natural flow to their bodies. Or Tao, who's Wushu came quite handy when executing distinct visual moves like flips. Even Kris, who was all legs and arms, was able to dance and memorize the steps quickly.

He was flexible enough and was a quick study, but he still made many mistakes, a lot more than the others did.

It was disheartening sometimes to realize that he was the only one still unable to learn a dance or make mistake after mistake. He knew the scolding was warranted and that Kris and the instructors were being hard on him because they knew he could take it and eventually learn from his mistakes. He still felt terrible about it, because it wasn't that he was letting himself down, but the others as well.

He really did try to dance well, and he knew that dancing was something he needed to work on, but it hurt to realize that he was lacking and that he was bringing the other members down. He knew he didn't have that natural affinity to dance as he did singing, but he still tried.

Practice was the only thing that helped him, as it did with Chinese. But since he couldn't practice as Chinese, he took to practicing dance.

At first, it was difficult to practice by himself, but once he found a system to improve his dancing, the extra practice became useful. However, he got a lot better whenever Yi Xing would come by and help.

With Yi Xing, he would be able to slow down the tempo of the moves that Jong Dae was having problems with and have the boy execute the move at that tempo until he could do it perfectly. Then he would steadily increase the tempo until Jong Dae could do it at full speed.

It was time consuming and tried Yi Xing's never-ending patience to teach the boy, but he knew Jong Dae appreciated the help and tried to give back as much as he could.

However, during these practices, Yi Xing couldn't help but think that if Jong Dae had been a trainee for a little longer, he wouldn't be as bad at dancing as he was. For those that were trainees for years perfected things that many of the new trainees struggled with, and seeing Jong Dae struggle at some of the simple dance moves, he knew that Jong Dae could have used a few more months of dance training before debuting. But he knew that SM Entertainment wouldn't have let that happen, Jong Dae had too good of a voice to not use.

And Jong Dae was such a sweet guy, that even though Yi Xing got frustrated sometimes, he still wanted to help the other get better.

The boy did get better with some of his guidance. He didn't even have that awkward sway to his hips anymore, and he was much more willing to throw himself into his dance moves than he used to be. But he would never be good as some people, but he could still be a great dancer. It would take longer and much more perseverance on his part to achieve his goals.

And once Jong Dae realized how similar the dance moves were, Yi Xing knew that Jong Dae would improve his dancing drastically.

Until then, Jong Dae would have to practice.

But Yi Xing just hoped that Jong Dae wouldn't overdo it, because it wouldn't do anyone good if Jong Dae got himself hurt.

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As the weeks passed, Jong Dae had increasingly felt uneasy and weak. His stomach would tie itself in knots and the thought of food would make him ill. His sleep was riddled with nightmares that left him breathless and some nights he was plagued with insomnia.

He didn't know why he was so stressed, and that his body was silently betraying him, but the stress was slowly taking its toll on him.

He knew their album was being released within the next month, and all that was left to do was some sound editing and last minute album cover stuff. He really had nothing to worry about, but he was scared of how others would take the album or their performances and variety shows.

He didn't know why, but he was, and the extra stress was doing nothing for his body.

He was losing weight that he didn't need to lose and was really only able to stomach a few bites of food before being unable to eat. He tried to eat, but things always sounded unappetizing or he felt sick to his stomach.

The others were similar, but it was a lot worse for him and he knew that it wasn't healthy and he needed to do something.

But as the days passed, the company was being increasingly harsh on the boys as they were trying to make sure everything was perfect, when things went to an all time low:

Fights broke out, car chases happened, and one of the members landed themselves in the hospital...

To Be Continued…

Chapter Nine: Can't Escape It

Tao hated what was going on, hated how the Sasaeng fans were acting. He hated how they always followed them, how they always tried to talk to them, to give them gifts, how they asked personal questions, etc…

He especially disliked it when they asked personal questions, questions that they couldn't answer or questions that were meant to hurt the members.

_"Kris, why did you change your name, don't you like your Chinese heritage?"_

_"Chen, why can't you enunciate better, you're the main singer, you should be able to sing it well."_

_"Lay, why do you look so uninterested and retarded all the time?" _

On and on the questions went, and more often than not, the fans didn't have tact and asked questions that made them seem more and more heartless. And what was worse, Min Seok, Jong Dae, and Kris were getting the worst of it.

Min Seok and Jong Dae may have been Korean, but they were good people, and Tao couldn't get angry whenever people couldn't see that. The two always made him feel good about himself and they always made sure he could talk to them about anything. Kris may have been living in Korea and Canada a lot longer than he had in China, but he was still Chinese and had skills that many artists didn't have.

He liked all the members and he loved them like brothers, but to see some of them get the brunt of dislike and heartless comments hurt him.

The fans weren't very loyal or understanding either. One second they were saying awful things about a member and the next they treated them as if they were a king. It made no sense for them to act so two-faced, especially since they were only pushing themselves into this hole of hate and dislike.

Sometimes, even when they were trying to be nice, their words didn't extend to all the members. On more than one occasion, he had a few of the members gossip about Yi Xing, only for them to act all innocent and perfect minutes later. Even the girl that was a fan of Jong Dae could easily turn her back on him for a few seconds and talk crap about him, and it wasn't constructive criticism either.

Tao didn't know if they didn't care or if their words didn't matter to them, but to him, they mattered. They had no idea how him and the others felt, and it wasn't like he could say anything without causing a scene or a scandal.

It seemed all they wanted to do was make their stressful days even more stressful.

It was as if they didn't care at all.

Did they have no lives?

Every day for the past few weeks, him and the others would see them, whether it was at interviews or performances. They obviously didn't go to school and thought that watching them was more important than getting an education or having a job.

If Tao wasn't an idol, he would still be in school, and not wasting his time by trying to follow an idol group 24/7. His family would never allow it in the first place, and he would be quite poor if he ever did something like that.

These Sareang fans were crazy and were just causing more problems than good. The girls were always laughing or yelling their names loudly in the night, keeping them awake at night, or trying to buy them food, even going so far to buy stuff that some of the members couldn't eat. Some would call them husband and try to act all lovey-dovey with them, and all it did was make him and Jong Dae even more uncomfortable. However, the male fans were worse, they were a lot more touchy feely and were more willing to get into their personal space.

These fans were more than a nuisance and were causing their already thin tempers even more grief.

Normal fans would go to their performances, fan signings, blog about them, buy some merchandise, and be genuinely conscientious of their work schedule and free time.

The boys liked those types of fans.

But these Sasaeng fans scared them, especially Tao.

Tao just wanted them to go home and get some lives, so maybe he and the others could have a night of peace.

But life didn't work that way.

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"What are you doing?" Lu Han yells, more like screams as he's accidentally knocked back, the food in his hand spilling to the floor.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry about that." Min Seok replies, scratching the back of his head, an uneasy smile on his face.

Tao bows his head a little and nods, a soft apology rolling off his tongue as well. He hadn't noticed Lu Han coming into the room as he had playfully punched the older male, causing Min Seok to run into the other boy. They were just playing, he didn't mean for the food to get ruined.

But Lu Han's temper has had a short fuse lately and he can't help but yell again, "I don't care if you're sorry, you ruined dinner, both of you," as he points fingers at Min Seok and Tao.

"We're sorry, Tao didn't see you, so it's an accident. Just calm down." Min Seok replies, rounding on the other boy, trying to keep calm.

"Yi Xing and I have just spent the last hour cooking that and now we can't even eat." Lu Han counters.

"We'll just call take out or something and we'll clean the mess. Don't make a big deal out of it."

"I'm not making a big deal out of it, but we've eaten out a few times this week already and I thought you guys would like a home cooked meal once in a while. You know we have to watch our weights."

Lu Han and Min Seok were in no mood to back down as the two glared at each other.

Tao could only stare at them, eyes wide as he witnessed the two friends tear into each other, "Lu Han-"

"Stay out of it Tao." Min Seok calmly cut him off.

"Why should he? He's the one that caused this mess."

"Shut your mouth Lu Han. Tao didn't see you okay, he didn't mean for you to drop the food, so stop being an ass about it."

"You stop being an ass." Lu Han replied before pushing Min Seok away from him, causing the older one to fall back a step.

However, before the two could do anything else, Yi Xing had walked out from the kitchen and noticed the two were fighting and quickly stepped in, or at least tried to.

"Both of you stop this right now! I want to know why both of you are fighting!"

Lu Han and Min Seok turned to him, eyes filled with anger, "Yi Xing stay out of this! This is between us."

"I don't care if it's between you two, but whatever it is doesn't need the two of you fighting to solve it."

"We're not fighting!" The two yelled before they pushed the younger member away from them.

Tao didn't like where this was going and knew he had to do something, but Kris was out and Jong Dae was in his room. Brightening at the idea that Jong Dae could be able to help; he ran to the boy's shared room and dragged him out of there, barely able to explain what was happening.

"Tao! Tao! Let go of me, you don't have to drag me to the dining room. I'll be right behind you." Jong Dae managed, but Tao just continued to drag him anyways.

"I need your help, you need to help me stop Min Seok and Lu Han from fighting!"

"I got that, but you don't need to drag me!"

"No time!" Tao replied as the two finally made it to the dining room.

However, this time, Yi Xing was trying to keep the two older boys apart as the two were reduced to pulling each other's hair and rolling around on the floor.

"Screw you Min Seok!" Lu Han screamed.

"Whatever! I'm going to teach you a lesson about manners." Min Seok replied.

Jong Dae and Tao could just stare at the two, while Yi Xing was trying to keep them away from each but was having no luck. It didn't take long for Jong Dae to assess what was happening before coming up with a quick solution.

"You grab Min Seok, while Yi Xing and I grab Lu Han." Jong Dae told the younger boy as he made his way to the fighting boys.

But just as the three were able to pull the two away from each other, a flying fist made its way to Jong Dae's face causing him to rear back into the side of the door, causing his head to painfully meet the wood.

"Jong Dae!" He could hear in the background, the fight suddenly stopping, as he noticed the changes in their voices.

All he could do was stumble away from the wall and sit down, shooing the others away as he just tried to breathe through the sudden pain. Letting his hands slowly come up to his head to assess the damage, he could only sigh in relief that it wasn't anything serious.

However, before anyone could do anything else, they heard a familiar, stern voice that made all of them stop in their tracks.

"What the hell is going on?"

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Min Seok remembers the screech of the car as it slammed on the brakes, before feeling the stretch of the seat belt harsh against his torso.

In the background, the smash of metal and metal resounds in his ears. He can smell something burning and it scares him immensely, but he feels that if he gets out of the car, he might die.

"Is everyone alright?" Sung Me asks the boys and only receives a few nods in return.

Kris is silently checking on all of them, sighing in relief as he notices that none of them appeared to be injured. Quietly taking out his phone, he calmly calls 119, after he tells Sung Me to take a look outside and see where they are.

Letting Kris' smooth voice calm him down, he quickly turns in his seat and takes a look himself to make sure the others are okay. Lu Han has his head in his hands and is shaking like a leaf, but he looks okay. Tao is holding onto Yi Xing as the older boy quietly tries to soothe the crying Tao. Jong Dae is silently looking outside, eyes filled with worry and fear.

Knowing that something is wrong, he turns to the younger.

Min Seok quietly tries to get Jong Dae's attention by softly calling his name, but the boy doesn't respond. He just continues to look outside. Looking past the younger boy, he can see blood splatter across one of the ruined cars.

Knowing he has to get the boy stop looking at the scene in front of him, he tries to softly shake the boy from his stupor.

Nothing happens.

Worried that the boy isn't responding, he doubles his efforts, only for Lu Han to notice and join in as well.

"Jong Dae! Jong Dae!" Lu Han softly calls and Min Seok can only look at the other in thanks.

Lu Han nods and gives him a reassuring smile, shaking the tension the two had previously had away.

It takes a couple more moments between the two before they are finally able to pull the boy from the window.

Knowing that he had to find out what had happened, Kris quietly leaves Min Seok in charge, but not before squeezing Jong Dae's and Tao's shoulders, while trying to tell the youngest member to calm down while he takes care of the police.

Tao can only nod as he tries to softly quiet his crying before he can say sorry to Yi Xing for being such a baby. Jong Dae just nods at Kris' words, but doesn't say anything to any of them, causing the older members to continue to worry.

Kris only gives the boys a look, before he is pulled away from them as he and the manager go to the police.

Minutes pass and Min Seok can't help but almost cry in relief when Jong Dae sheds a few tears and latches onto him. Lu Han can only rub the younger's back and quietly tell him that it's okay, his eyes telling Min Seok how sorry he's been lately.

Min Seok quietly mouths it is an "Okay, I understand. Still Besties?"

Lu Han nods his head furiously and gives a wide smile, before turning worried eyes to Jong Dae.

Even Tao has stopped crying enough to offer some words to the gentle boy, while Yi Xing just silently gives Jong Dae some support by rubbing his shoulder lightly, and muttering "It's going to be okay, it's going to be okay."

Between Lu Han and Yi Xing, they both somehow manage to keep Tao from looking where Jong Dae had been staring moments before, keeping the youngest boy close to Jong Dae.

The two don't need Tao to freak out about the blood, especially since Jong Dae was still crying about it and that they had finally been able to calm the youngest member down.

Comforting each other, the older members perk up when they hear Kris' voice.

"Guys, Sung Me wants to quickly make sure we're okay, he has one of the physical trainers here to check us out, okay." Kris quietly tells them as he makes his way back to the van to round them up.

They may have not been in the accident, but being so close to it and seeing it, he didn't want to take any chances.

Quickly rounding the boys up and pulling them off to the side of the road, he waved Sung Me-ge and the trainer over.

As the trainer quickly and quietly starts fussing over the boys, Sung Me softly speaks up, "Boys, practice is canceled for today. Tan Xing is picking up some comfort food for you guys. I'm thinking you guys should take the day, maybe watch some movies or play a few games to keep your minds off of things. And if you need to talk, Tan Xing and I will be there for you guys okay, we just want to hit this in the bud."

The boys just nod at their manager's assessment and let the trainer quietly finish looking them over.

They knew a day to themselves wasn't going to keep them from thinking back to what happened, but they weren't going to argue. Because if anything, they needed a day to themselves to make things right between each other and keep a watch on the younger members.

Right now, that was important.

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It had been two days since the accident and about a week from the fight, luckily Jong Dae was just shaken up more than anything, rather than being extremely hurt.

He knew fights were bound to happen and that all of them were wary and didn't have a good grasp on their emotions, but for it to get that out of hand, was a little much. He knew all the boys were sorry for what had happened and Kris was sure that something like this wouldn't happen again, especially when he saw the other members and how sorry and worried they were.

He hated that he had to punish the other members, but it needed to be done. However, as the leader, he had also punished himself for not noticing things earlier and being able to prevent it.

Then the car chase happened, he knew those fans were crazy, but he didn't think they would go so far to have a car chase with them. The car accident that happened because of it, made things even more difficult for him and the company. Luckily, no one had died, but its effects on the other members and how this viewed to the public was almost a PR nightmare. SM Entertainment was lucky enough that the band's name was kept out of the media and that things weren't any worse than they were.

Kris had some knowledge about the legal system and knew that some things just didn't blow over unless there was money involved. They may have not been involved in the accident or could be held accountable, but in a way, Kris felt he was partly to blame.

He didn't know how many times he had seen them outside and could have said something to them, anything. But he knew he couldn't, that wasn't how they were supposed to deal with things. They were idols and being an idol had strict rules on how you appeared to the public.

But if he had known that the accident could have happened, Kris would have broken those rules and said something, anything to keep what happened from happening.

Life wasn't like that, and Kris could only learn from what happened.

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Kris had this sense of foreboding that he couldn't shake. He didn't know why he did, but he did, but as the leader, he knew he couldn't let the others see how worried he was. They still needed him to be strong, to be their rock, and Tan Xing-ge and Sung Me-ge were counting on him.

However, right now, the boys were practicing dance moves for the debut. So he let himself quietly get lost in the music and wash his worries away for a little while.

Feeling the music, he could feel his heart thump in anticipation, while it lit his nerves on fire, as his body easily swayed to the music. He could feel his form fall into the song's rhythm; his arms and legs moving to the beat and practicing the choreographed dance as if he had done it a thousand times.

In the background he could hear the scrapes and squeaks of his fellow members dancing the same dance in time to his steps.

Smiling without his accord, as he and the others continued on, Kris continued to focus on the dance and perfect his moves.

The choreographer stayed off to the side of the room and silently watched the six of them. Kris just knew the man was waiting for the song to be over so he could start listing their mistakes and telling them, what they still needed to practice.

Spinning his body, he couldn't help but notice out of the corner of his vision that Jong Dae was dancing a pace behind the rest of the group. Hoping that it was just the younger man taking a little longer to get the choreography and focus correctly, he returned to dancing.

Knowing that Jong Dae was still a little shaken up, he didn't want to make a scene out of it. It was better for him to talk to him later and get him to open up, and maybe finally tell him what was going on inside his head.

He knew the boy liked to take care of things by himself, but it had been a couple of days, and he knew that he needed to have a long talk with the boy.

However as he continued to think to himself, he didn't notice the abundance of sweat or the way the younger man swayed and barely stood on his feet while completing each of his moves the longer he danced.

Barely getting three steps further in the dance, he heard the startled "Jong Dae!"

Quickly turning around, expecting Jong Dae to be on his butt and laughing off his mistakes, he found the boy leaning heavily against the wall instead. Tao was carefully standing next to him, concern written across his face while his voice cracked with worry:

"Jong Dae, you okay? What's wrong?"

As soon as Tao uttered those words, Kris and the others had tore themselves from their positions and all but ran over to the two younger members of the group. Guilt and worry pooled in his gut, telling him that he should have noticed something or maybe talked to the boy sooner, instead of letting his emotions stew as he tried to figure them out himself.

Looking to the others, he noticed similar expressions on their faces and knew that it wasn't just he that felt the same way.

"I-I'm fine, I can st-still dance. No-nothing to worry about." Jong Dae softly stuttered, lifting his head to meet them and give a small reassuring smile.

It was a smile that did nothing to deter their worry.

Just looking at him, Kris knew that he wouldn't be able to continue.

Looking at the younger, he was as pale as a ghost, while his cheeks were red with fever, his body shook from chills and he could barely stand straight.

How had he missed this?

Did something happen that caused sickness to overcome him so suddenly?

"Is he okay? Can he still dance?" Kris barely hears in the background, the sound obviously coming from the choreographer. Giving the older man a dark look, a look he probably should have kept to himself, he sends Lu Han to talk to him as he goes back to Jong Dae.

Noticing how unsteady the boy is, he tries to keep the boy to the side and situate him so his bending down with his head between his legs.

"Yi Xing, grab him some water." Kris orders, looking away for a second, only for him to feel a slight pull from his arm as Jong Dae suddenly slumps to the floor, breathing heavily, head too warm to the touch, and passed out to the world, "Never mind the water, call an ambulance."

To Be Continued…

Chapter Ten: Conflicted

"Do you know what you've done?" Tan Xing whispered, "You guys are two weeks away from debuting and you took Jong Dae to the hospital. Do you know how this looks to the media? How the company looks?"

Kris could only hang his head at her words, knowing that sending Jong Dae to the hospital was a mistake. He could have easily called a doctor to come instead of taking the boy to the hospital.

They would be lucky if no one found out about this, but he knew luck wasn't going to be on their side. He was sure, there were pictures on the internet already and fan girls already sending letters and gifts. They may have gotten away with the hospital visit last time, but being so close to debuting, there was no way that it wasn't going to happen.

Looking back to that moment in the training room, he really thought there was no other choice.

Jong Dae was unconscious and almost sporting a 40 ° fever.

It wasn't as if they could have waited, because if Jong Dae's fever had risen any higher, he would have been in the danger zone. High fevers like that weren't a joke, and Jong Dae had to have taken something to make sure he could practice with them. Kris had no idea what, but he had to have taken some of the cold medicine, fever reducers, and other medicine they had in their medicine cabinet. And not knowing what he took, could have led to more problems if they hadn't have taken Jong Dae to the hospital.

He didn't want anything worse to happen to the boy because of his negligence.

However, he still could have tried using the showers at the facility or call for a doctor before going to the hospital.

In actuality, he should have noticed Jong Dae's illness before this had happened.

He and the others hadn't noticed anything wrong, but they should have known something, should have seen something saying that Jong Dae wasn't all right.

Fevers like that didn't spring up over night without showing some warning signs, especially with how high it was.

He was the leader, Jong Dae's roommate, and yet he hadn't noticed anything.

Okay, he had noticed the boy's slight cough a couple of days before, but Jong Dae had waved it off and told him that he was all right. Kris had even gave him some cough drops and made him some tea.

Yet, here they are now, Jong Dae in the hospital and he being scolded for being so stupid.

He should have known the younger boy wouldn't say anything to them about how bad his illness was going; probably thinking that he didn't want to burden them with their debut coming up.

Sometimes, Kris really disliked Jong Dae's stubborn, independent streak and cursed the boy's parents for making him so insecure and untrustworthy of others.

As if he would bother them if he ever did say anything about what his was feeling; all the boys liked him and were more than willing to share his pain and help him whenever he needed it.

Yet, the boy never asked.

It was infuriating, and Kris should have seen right through Jong Dae's façade and actually check the boy's temperature, make him take more medicine, and have him well rested.

He barely done any of those things, and now Jong Dae was sick.

And if he thought about it more, Jong Dae probably did something to make himself sick, like extra practicing or something.

Geez, he should have seen it, but when he had four other boys to watch and take care of all these leader duties, it's hard to have eyes and ears on his boys every minute.

It wasn't an excuse, because he knew he messed up and made probably made things worse, especially for the company, but he was young, and all of them were inexperience.

And if he thought about it, not all the blame had to go to himself, the other members hadn't noticed and the managers didn't see anything as well. They even lived with them, and yet none of them did anything.

But it didn't matter, he was the leader, and he would take the blame, because that is a duty he has to his members.

He knew he had done what he could, and had ended up doing things he shouldn't have done that could have easily been solved with a couple minutes of thinking. His actions weren't well thought, and his solution hadn't been the best, especially in the eyes of the company. He and the others were idols now, they weren't average people, and all their decisions affected them, whether positively or negatively.

Their decisions affected their careers and the company they worked for. SM Entertainment had spent so much money on their upcoming debut, the teasers, and their interview spots. Something like this could be a major setback for them, and it was all because he couldn't think correctly.

He should have thought more about what it would look like to the public.

They were a rookie group who were debuting in a couple of weeks, everything was against them, from what they ate, too how much they practiced, or their decisions about what to do in their little free time.

So putting someone in the hospital before debut not only set them back, but would also made the company look bad, and making the company look bad opened up a lot of public discrepancy.

Thinking about, he should have known better from the beginning.

"It makes the company look bad, and we should be praying that no one decides to make a big deal about what happened in the tabloids. Right now we don't need any negative publicity."

"I know." Kris whispered, "I'm sorry, I should have noticed something before. I'll take the blame, it's my fault, I'm their leader. If anything else happens, I'll take the punishment. So just punish me."

Tan Xing wanted to say more, wanted to rant, to yell, but looking at the young man in front of her, she needed to step back and put herself in his shoes.

Kris was young and inexperienced. He hadn't known what would have happened, and if they weren't idols, his decision would have been the best one. But they were, and damage control needed to be done.

She knew it wasn't his entire fault for what had happened; blame lied with all the members and the managers as well. She already knew she was going to get some hell for their poor management and probably a pay cut for the month, but she was only being hard on the boy, because she was being hard on herself.

She and Sung Me knew they should have seen something, should have watched the boys better before something like this had actually happened.

Especially since their group was getting the short end of the stick for everything: they should have known that things like this were far from over and that their debut would hopefully make a change to their luck and turn it around.

All they could do now was deal with the situation, get Jong Dae better, and push through until their debut.

Letting herself take a deep breath before sighing, she let her anger go.

Placing her hand on the boy's arm, she said, "Kris, I know you blame yourself and I know things have been hard on you and that you think you deserve to be punished. But if I punish you any farther than I've done, it'll mean nothing more than a beating or a useless scolding. We're all to blame in a way, and I know you think I'm probably being hard on you, but I'm just as hard on myself. Sung Me and I didn't notice anything as well. We'll just take this one step at a time, okay."

Kris didn't know what to say, he's always known Tan Xing to be the one to scold them before shoving blame on herself. She loved them and didn't want to see them get hurt any less than they did, but she also had been in the business long enough to know that idols did some things differently.

"We'll make sure Jong Dae recovers and implement some new rules, rules that we probably should have placed before. Everything's going to be okay, we'll get through this."

"I hope so." Kris managed before lowering his head.

Tan Xing frowned a little before messing up Kris' hair, "We will, you've guys worked so hard to get this far and I know none of you is going to give up, especially Jong Dae. So let's go back to the others, they must know something about Jong Dae now. I'm betting he's ready to go home."

A whispered "Yeah" could be heard as the two quietly walked back to the group.

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Jong Dae quietly lay in the hospital bed, warm to the touch and a little bit dazed. An IV was hooked up to his arm and a cool compress was across his forehead.

He felt sick and miserable and he just wanted to cry.

His eyes were lightly tearing and his emotions felt out of control.

He could feel the worry and pain in his chest for letting down the other members and getting sick enough to land him in the hospital. They were barely weeks away from debuting as a six-member group and he had to get the flu, which was made worse by stress and overworking himself.

He hadn't meant to get sick, hadn't meant for his body to get so weak that it couldn't fight back against the bacteria and viruses that wanted to cause him harm.

All he wanted to do was make sure everything was perfect for the debut, and yet here he was, sick in the hospital, and just making everything worse for the others.

He let his insecurities and imperfections get the better of him.

He had thought by practicing a lot and working all those extra hours would have helped him, but he still had trouble doing some things and was too proud-no to scared to ask for anymore help.

He was stubborn about it, because he didn't want anyone thinking that he was a burden, that maybe he really didn't belong in the group in the first place.

Sure, he had a good voice, but that was all he had going for him. He wasn't as attractive as the others, wasn't as strong, wasn't that great of a dancer, still had trouble with Chinese, etc…

In his eyes, he wasn't that great.

In his parents' eyes, he had always been a mess of a child and that they could care a less about him.

Sure, they had said they were proud of him and that they loved him, but nothing proved those things to be true. Not once had they called and asked him how he was doing or to check up on him or even to call to say 'Hi.' His phone was always silent, and his heart just clenched in pain.

He had deluded himself for months thinking that they were just too busy and that they would call eventually, but it never happened. And whenever he called them, it was always the same thing: three rings before going to voicemail.

He would always leave a few messages, but the calls were never returned.

It physically hurt, but he tried not to dwell on the matter.

Telling himself that if he worked harder, that he proved himself worthy, they would call and tell him that they loved him and that they were sorry for the months of waiting and hurting.

He had tried to keep his head high, but it was hard to do so, whenever he heard the others talk to their parents and phone home, only to receive kind words and love.

He knew his parents weren't the most expressive individuals, but they used to care enough to know about his wellbeing.

At night, before he would go to sleep, he would always secretly hope that his parents would surprise him the next day and try to spend the day with him or take him out to eat or shower him with love.

It never happened.

Blinking back tears he tried not to think about all the times he had listened to the other members speak to their families or even manage a rare visit, only for that member to return to the dorm with tears in their eyes and a huge smile on their face.

It hurt to see these things, and it took everything he did to not look at his phone to see the painful truth that his parents didn't care, had never cared about him in the first place.

And that, even though they said they were proud of him, it was just lies and they were trying to wipe their hands of him.

He knew they wanted him to be a doctor or lawyer instead, making sure he did well in school before going off to one of the top ten colleges in the country. It hadn't mattered to them if he hadn't wanted that, but they never cared and more often than not scoffed at his dreams and laughed in his face.

That was the reason he had trained secretly for a couple of months, before the offers came, and he knew he couldn't hide it from his parents. But when he told him about debuting, he knew they would be angry at him for lying about studying and taking extra classes, but he thought they would at least be proud enough to realize their son was going to be successful, and that his dream that they had laughed at for all those years was going to come true.

They were angry about the lying and he had deserved the beating he had received, but hearing they were proud made everything worth it.

However, months later, nothing had changed between them.

It didn't stop him from hoping, or fueling that fire to show his parents that they could truly be proud of him and love him.

It was part of the fuel that led him to this state, which fueled his insecurities and his lack of trust with the other members.

The other members were family to him, but after his parents' treatment of him, he still had trouble trusting others and asking for help. He didn't know why, but he had always had trouble trusting other people, and trusting others to see his true self.

Maybe it was because his parents' never trusted him enough to do what he wanted or viewed him as a burden, as the son that could never match up to their expectations.

Or maybe he was just naturally like that.

He didn't know, but it was still hurtful to realize that a part of it had to have stemmed from his dysfunctional relationship with his parents.

To them, he would never be good enough.

To EXO, he had thought the same, he had thought that he had to overcome all his weaknesses and show the other members that he was good enough to be in the group, that he wouldn't be a burden on them.

But they never expected him to be anyone but himself.

It was scary and odd to think about it, scary in the way that he had never truly shown his true self to anyone and odd to think that they wanted to actually know him as a person.

He wasn't anyone special, but to them, maybe he was.

Maybe all this time his way of thinking was wrong.

Maybe his parents' neglect, their hurtful stares, the abuse he had suffered all those years, and that impossible pressure to be perfect was keeping him from achieving his dreams.

He had always wanted to be a singer, but deep down, he had dreamed about doing the thing he loved with friends and family behind him, proud of his accomplishments and weren't afraid to show their love for him.

It was an impossible dream, a dream he thought would never happen, but with the others it had seemed within his reach.

Because even now, laying there, and trying not to cry, he knows that Kris, Tao, Lu Han, Yi Xing, and Min Seok are worried about him and care more than his parents ever did.

As tears finally fall from his eyes, he buries his head into the pillow.

He doesn't know what to do, doesn't know who to believe.

Maybe he should stop being so insecure about who he is and how he appears to others.

Maybe he should start trusting the other members and tell them what he's feeling.

Maybe he should just be himself.

The others haven't let him down before, have cared so much about him, have trusted him from the start, and maybe he needs to start trusting them back and make a new family.

Make a family that cares and loves him for who he is, and is always proud of his accomplishments and dreams.

Sniffling a little, he thinks that would be nice, a very nice dream indeed, but does he even deserve it, deserve to think that way in the first place?

Sniffling a little, he finally falls asleep, questions unanswered and just conflicted as ever.

However, if he had asked any of the members what they thought, they wouldn't have to think at all.

Jong Dae's their brother and will always be their brother, no thinking required.

To Be Continued…

Chapter Eleven: Realizing

It's been two days since the boys came back from the hospital, Jong Dae under strict orders to rest, drink fluids, and literally do nothing until tomorrow. Jong Dae hated being under bed arrest, but being so sick, he knew it would be worse if he did anything else and impeded his recovery. Min Seok and Yi Xing carefully made sure Jong Dae didn't stress too much and that he had healthy food to eat, while Kris made sure the younger boy didn't leave the room, except going to the bathroom. Tao and Lu Han would stop by with board games and Korean dramas and try to take his mind off being 'babied' by the other members.

All the members had been worried, and were thankful that even though Jong Dae had such a high fever, it wasn't anything worse than a bad case of anemia and the flu. It was safe to say that after finding out their friend's diagnosis, they were able to breathe easier. However, it still didn't keep them from worrying about the second youngest member.

He may be relatively fine, at least physically, but mentally and emotionally, they desperately needed to get the boy to talk to them, and make some better ground rules for dealing with the member.

Because the one thing they learned from Jong Dae collapsing was that, he would overwork himself to the point that he wouldn't take care of himself properly and get sick.

Therefore, while the boy was sleeping in Kris and his shared room, the other members were quietly talking in the living room.

"We desperately need to get Jong Dae to open up and trust us a little more." Min Seok softly said.

"I agree." Lu Han gave, "We really need to find a way to get the boy to unload all of his problems and get him to talk it out. He's going to explode if he doesn't."

The others nodded.

"I've been trying to get him to talk to me, but he just kind of laughs it off or tries to change the subject." Yi Xing told them, thinking that out of all the members, except Min Seok, was closest to the boy.

Min Seok being close due to their Korean heritage, while Yi Xing was close to the other due to the subtle age difference. Jong Dae looked up to Kris and Lu Han too much to really say what he was feeling, while he wanted to portray a strong image for Tao. They all got along, but Jong Dae was terrible with opening up past 'Hey, you want to do this?' or 'Want to go eat?'

The boys knew that there was more to the Jong Dae being shown to them, but he was too scared to talk to them or give them more than his smiley, I have no problems, nature.

"He doesn't want to burden us with his problems. He trusts us to have his back, but he's too independent to rely on us, because I don't think he's had many people he could rely on." Tao softly uttered, breaking the conversation between the others.

Lu Han looked surprised at Tao's conclusion of Jong Dae, but he couldn't find anything wrong with what the boy said.

"He doesn't." Yi Xing gave, suddenly remembering the times they talked about some of their old friends, "I don't know about his parents, but I'm sure they weren't the best. But with his friends, he really only has us and some of the EXO-K members. He's told me a few stories about his school friends, and none of them tried to stay in touch with him or anything, I'm pretty sure they dropped him from their lives. I don't know why they did that, since Jong Dae is one of the most sincere persons I know, it's quite a delicate situation for him."

Min Seok gasped a little, "But how could they do that? Jong Dae isn't the type of person to brag or even try to make people uncomfortable. He's always conscious towards the people he knows to the point its bloody maddening for guys like us. So how the heck is that possible?"

"I think it's a jealousy thing, and from his stories, they didn't seem like the type of people that he could freely talk about his thoughts and feelings. Sure, he could be a goof with them, but there wasn't anything substantial to their relationship. I actually think we may be his first real friends."

"But he's so sweet though and when he isn't being all shy, he's quite the funny and enjoyable guy." Lu Han muttered.

"And he's always making sure I'm okay, always asking me if I need anything or need help. He's a good ge-ge."

"It doesn't matter what type of person Jong Dae is, his friends decided to do what they wanted. It sucks, but it already happened, and there's no use dwelling on people like them." Kris suddenly spoke up, surprising the other members since this was the first time he said anything.

"Kris is right, there really isn't anything we can do about it, but make sure the other knows he can trust us enough to talk about his feelings. And the only way to do that is to get him to think that he isn't burdening us with his problems. That's the problem, and I have no idea who instilled that into his brain and how he came to think like that." Yi Xing countered.

"It's his parents." Kris gave with a sigh, "I don't think they really care about their son since he became a singer. I know he's told us that they're proud of him and stuff, but they never call or anything."

"Really?" Tao softly asked, eyes watering a little at the sudden mentioning of that.

He never really noticed it before, but thinking back to the times he or the other members talked about their families, Jong Dae would just give a small, sad smile and quietly sit out or excuse himself. He had thought the boy just missed his parents or something, which was probably true, but he never knew the other's parents didn't call or try to visit him.

"Yeah, from what I've gathered, they didn't exactly encourage him and were quite adamant on him not being a singer. I'm pretty sure they wanted him to be something like a doctor or lawyer."

"That's true, he did attend a very good school, and he told me he had to do a lot of applications for music schools in secret." Min Seok mentioned.

Kris nodded, "I really believe that Jong Dae hasn't been able to rely on his parents for a few years, but being here and doing his thing have made it a lot worse. I think not being able to talk to them, even if they have nothing good to say, is affecting him. I actually think his parents may be the reason to why he's so unwilling to say anything about what's bothering him."

The others could only stare at their leader, most of them thinking that this was one of the reasons why the tallest member was in charge of their group. He only needed to a few cues and some knowledge of psychology, and he was able to read the person pretty well. It was why he was so good with dealing with MCs and reporters.

But to see him tell him these things and accurately analyze Jong Dae's situation, it had to mean that Kris needed them to know what was going on to help, and it was getting to the point that a single person couldn't just be the boy's confidant without backup from the others.

"A lot of this is me guessing some things, but I'm pretty sure his parents were abusive, at least mentally and emotionally. I think it may be the reason why Jong Dae's so unwilling to tell us anything, I think his parents may have made him think that he's a burden and that no one would care about his problems and get angry at him for sharing something like that."

Tao started to cry, "Really?"

"This is pure speculation, but just some of things he does signifies how unfit his parents may have been."

Tao looked as if someone kicked a puppy in front of him, while Yi Xing stared at the wall in shock. Min Seok quietly tried to calm Tao down, while Lu Han softly rubbed Yi Xing's shoulder. Yi Xing couldn't believe he missed all of that, he thought that something was up with Jong Dae's parents, but he never really thought that they were capable of being that awful to the boy.

Jong Dae was like a little brother to him, and to hear things that were more than probably true hurt him.

It hurt all of them to hear what they were hearing and thinking back to all the times they hung out with the boy and psychoanalyzing everything that happened.

They knew that Jong Dae's silent but gentle nature was a front and enjoyed all the times he seemed to break past it and show his silly, slightly sarcastic, and witty side. But to think that the front wasn't from being overly shy, but for a much darker reason that Kris was suggesting, was telling them, made them angry in the way that only friends could be.

Jong Dae was someone that easily warmed his way into their hearts.

Realizing his slightly subdued personality and inability to express his emotions and thoughts was a side effect from his parents, his friends was something beyond terrible in their eyes.

Lu Han finally understood why Jong Dae was trying so hard to learn Mandarin. It wasn't because he wanted to learn or needed to learn, but a deep-seated fear of rejection or guilt. It was a feeling that made the boy believe that if he didn't learn it fast enough or the language well enough, he was letting the other members down, the fans down, and himself down in a way that his parents must have taunted him about or had made him believe that he wasn't good enough. And to have that pressure on his shoulders, it must have been unbearable for him to nitpick his shortcomings and overcome them until they weren't there.

It made so much sense, and Lu Han couldn't believe he didn't understand the full extent sooner.

"I probably should have said something sooner, but Jong Dae convinced me not to say anything about it, and I was making sure it didn't get out of hand anymore. But looking back on it, I wasn't doing much help, because he found something else to increase his perfectionist tendencies on. Maybe if I would have said something, then maybe we could have prevented Jong Dae getting sick." Lu Han suddenly said, catching the others out of their thoughts.

"What are you talking about?" Kris quietly asked, voice holding so much meaning in so few words.

"I-I-well-I found Jong Dae a couple of weeks ago studying Mandarin at night-while all of us were asleep. It had to have been like four in the morning, and yet he was in the kitchen listening to his tapes and Chinese books scattered around him. A-and it wasn't a onetime thing, I could tell. I don't know how long it had been happening for, but when I had spoken to Jong Dae, he made it seem like he had just been doing it a few days, but it had to have been much longer than that. No- it must have been. But he said he wasn't going to study so late anymore, and I made it so he could only study a few hours a day without going overboard and endangering his health-"

"So that's why you have all those Chinese books hidden under your bed." Yi Xing exclaimed, while Min Seok looked surprised for a second before recognition was seen across his features.

"And that's why you've been helping Jong Dae out so much, you were making sure he wouldn't-no couldn't study more than the time you would spend helping us. Geez, why didn't I notice anything sooner?" Min Seok muttered loud enough for the others to hear.

Kris could only give Lu Han a reproving look, but the others could see the slivers of guilt in the boy's eyes, knowing that Kris blamed himself a lot more than the slight disapproval he had shown Lu Han.

"I know I should have said something, but I thought I had it taken care of." Lu Han quietly said as he gave Kris an apologetic stare.

"You probably did Lu Han ge, but Jong Dae ge's stubborn." Tao softly gave, eyes red from the crying earlier.

Lu Han nodded towards Tao's direction, while Yi Xing could only grab his hair in frustration.

"I think I know why Jong Dae got sick so bad."

"How Yi Xing?" Min Seok quietly asked.

"I don't know exactly, but the time matches up," pointing to Lu Han, Yi Xing continued, "After you started helping these two, Jong Dae started coming to me for some extra help with his dancing, and you know how he can do the dances pretty well, but is lacking a little bit in style and making clean movements. Well, he came to me and we would practice dancing, it wasn't anything different than how I used to help him, but knowing Jong Dae, I'm sure he practiced a lot more than what all of us have seen him. The last couple of weeks he's gotten a lot better, and it's not all from me helping him."

"So you think since he couldn't practice his Chinese, he went to practicing his dancing?"

Yi Xing nodded, "Yeah, I'm sure he didn't practice a lot at night like he did with Chinese, we would have known with our front and back doors, but I'm sure during our down time, he's been practicing. And the stress from the upcoming debut and everything that's been happening, it must have all caught up with him."

"That-actually makes a lot of sense," Min Seok noted, "especially since the scare we had with the car incident and everything else."

They all agreed with Min Seok's statement and felt even more conflicted about everything.

Jong Dae's parents may not be there, and his old friends are virtually non-existent, but they were there and even though they did what they could to make sure Jong Dae could trust them and know that they care, they still had made mistakes.

Kris knowing that if this went any longer that it could potentially turn into the type of pity party that left all of them feeling guilty, depressed, or even angry; he had to put a stop to it.

"Never mind what has happened, what's important right now is that we need to get him to talk to us, and soon, because once we debut, it may be months before we have a chance to get him to talk about the things that have been bothering him. We need to make sure he knows his limits and that he doesn't need to go overboard and that in our eyes, he's perfectly fine the way he is, okay?"

They could only nod at their leader, because Kris was more than right.

All they wanted was to see Jong Dae finally break down enough, talk about whatever was going on in his head, and be able to lean on their shoulders, because then, Jong Dae may finally realize he's in good hands.

To Be Continued…

Chapter 12: Finally Admitting Help

After basically being on house arrest for a couple of days and having one of the worst flues in his life, Jong Dae had been glad to get back to the craziness that was debuting. He liked the hours of dancing, singing practice, and etiquette lessons the company had started giving them, even if it was just review.

What he didn't like was that Lu Han continued the Chinese ban and that Kris somehow knew about his studying late into the night and full heartedly agreed with what the boy was doing. Or the fact that Yi Xing and Min Seok had also put a ban on his late night dance practices, and Kris agreed with them too. Even Tao was keeping more of an eye on him and had taken to getting him to go shopping and watching TV dramas with him during their off time.

He understood that they didn't want him going overboard and that he needed to rest and keep himself happy, but he was almost 20 years old and he didn't need a babysitter. He could take care of himself, had been for years with the way his parents expected him to be clean, knowing how to cook, and take care of himself. He wasn't as good as Yi Xing hyung when it came to cooking or as clean as Min Seok hyung, but he could get by.

So it was a little stifling with the way the other members were keeping an extra special eye on him. He appreciated that they wanted to hang out with him and make sure he was okay after everything was happened, but it was too much.

He knew that it was his fault for getting sick and that he should have taken more vitamins and ate a little more, but with the stress and everything, it was a little difficult. But after what happened, he definitely knew that he couldn't have continued the way he had been going and that he was going to watch himself better.

Still, it didn't give the others the right to watch his every move, as if he was going to get sick again or worse, break down in front of them, so they could pick up the pieces of the inevitable mess he would leave behind.

He definitely did not want to do that, because there was absolutely nothing that would make him break down, especially so close to debuting. It wasn't like him to do something like that anyways, too personal and emotional for him. His parents had also always disliked it whenever he cried or complained about stuff anyways, so he was used to bottling up everything and dealing with things all by himself.

Even though sometimes there were times when all he wanted to do was cry or unload a bunch of negative emotions on someone, he had held back, because it would just burden the person who would have to take care of him.

He never let himself open up like that, but sometimes it was hard for him to watch others freely express themselves without a care in the world and see no negative consequences for doing so. It hurt to realize that people were able to do the very things that had been stripped away from him when he was young. But after years of keeping things to himself and only crying when he was alone, it was too difficult for him to do something as simple as talk about his problems with someone.

So he made sure to humor his friends and do what they wanted, because even though they were being a pain, they still were looking out after him, and the only way to stop them, was to do what they wanted.

It was only a matter of time until they would forget what had happened and go back to normal.

At least he hoped, because if they continued what they were doing, he didn't know what was going to happen.

Except, maybe things that he didn't want to happen.

Ever.

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Kris knew he and the other guys were being obtrusive with the way they were handling Jong Dae, but there wasn't any other way, especially with as little time that they had.

They needed Jong Dae to stop doing what he was doing and get things off his chest. They needed him to yell, to scream, to cry at how awful they were being, how he didn't need five more babysitters, and that he could take care of himself. They needed him to unload all of his emotions and deal with them, instead of locking them up tight and waiting until they festered and break him.

If he didn't talk, it would just be a lot worse in the end, and knowing Jong Dae, Kris didn't want to think about what could happen to the kid, but worse was probably an understatement.

Especially with what was bound to happen: paparazzi, crazy fans, loaded schedules, criticism (even worse than what they were getting now), and stress that would literally tear them apart if they didn't talk about things with each other.

Plus, if Jong Dae's parents kept what they were doing, not calling to talk to the boy or try to swindle money from him, Kris just knew things would be a lot worse for the kid.

So doing his job as a leader, he and the other guys planned multiple ways to cause Jong Dae to essentially lose his cool, and at least be able to let loose some of his pent up emotions.

They all agreed that the second youngest needed to put a little more trust in them, and the only way they knew how to do this was to start a fight.

Not a fight with them, but a fight with himself, a fight to overcome what his parents taught him and being able to embrace the things he had lost.

Once that happened, Kris just had a feeling that Jong Dae would be willing to talk to them more about his worries and fears.

He just knew that once the other knew that he could talk to them, without them thinking he was a burden or that they weren't going to run from him or that they could share the pain, he knew Jong Dae would be able to talk to them more.

He just knew that once he was able to get passed that, Kris had this feeling that Jong Dae would be able to show his real self all the time, without worrying about scaring them off or trying to burden them with his worries.

Once he knew that, Kris just knew that Jong Dae would really be able to liven up and be crazy with them all the time.

It was only a matter of time until Jong Dae would start to crack, and once that happened, he and the others would finally be able to breathe a little easier.

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It was four days until debut, and Jong Dae was going crazy, literally. He was tired, his body hurt, he was stressed, his emotions were everywhere, and not in the way puberty made them. All he wanted was to pass out for a few days; he didn't even care if he had to sleep on the floor.

He couldn't though, their debut was coming up, and they couldn't afford the time off, so he sucked it up as best as he could, only for his raw nerves to become increasingly sensitive.

They were three hours into practicing their choreography, and for some odd reason, Jong Dae could not get this one move down. Every time he tried it, he was always behind the others because he would be too slow, or he would lose his balance and fall on his but because he did it too fast.

They had only added the dance move today, the last of the new dance moves to their choreography, but the others had no trouble with it, and Jong Dae was getting frustrated with himself.

They had a couple more days, but with their schedules the way they were, they couldn't afford to give him any extra time to get the one move he was having trouble with. He knew he wasn't a natural dancer, but it was ridiculous for him to not be able to do such an easy move. He thought he had finally gotten better too, and yet, he was still lagging behind.

It was frustrating and maddening in the sense that he was always going to be the weakest link, the one that would bring the others down.

His parents already knew it, because if they didn't, they would have called by now or sent a letter or something. Yet, there was nothing from them, they obviously knew how awful he was and didn't want to associate themselves with him.

He was bringing them down, and now he was bringing the others down.

It was an endless loop of dissatisfaction and grief, and he was the cause of it all.

He knew the others were getting frustrated with his lack of ability to dance, but every time he tried, it just wasn't working. He didn't know what to do, except apologize and try again, until he could finally do it, but soon, even that wasn't enough, and it was getting to the point that he needed a few minutes to himself.

Trying to calm down and get over that need, they went through the dance a few more times, only for the last time to have Jong Dae fall over into Lu Han, falling into Tao, causing the three of them to fall hard onto the floor.

Feeling shame, guilt, and embarrassment work across his face, he profusely apologized. Frustration and inner loathing gripped his heart, he suddenly needed air, it didn't matter if the other boys had shrugged the fall off, Jong Dae needed a breather.

"I-I need to be alone, can you give me five minutes?" Jong Dae shakily asked, not even letting Kris answer before he was out the door.

Stumbling his way to the back of the building, Jong Dae sat himself against the wall, bringing his knees up to his chest. Wiping his face with his hands, he tried to quiet his harsh breathing.

"It's okay; it's going to be okay." He quietly whispered to himself, but it didn't last long until frustrated tears came to his eyes that started to fall without his accord.

He didn't know why he was crying, but he wanted it to stop, because there was no reason for him to cry. He was being a baby about what was going on, he shouldn't be crying for not being able to get a simple dance move. He should be apologizing to the other members for being so selfish for doing what he was doing, but every passing moment, the crying was getting worse and worse.

He tried to stop it, but nothing was working, and he definitely didn't want anyone to see him this way. Picking himself up from the floor, he quickly found himself outside, using the alley wall as support, as his shoulders shook.

Hiding his face against his arm, he tried to ride the tears out, but it seemed as if they didn't want to stop at all.

Minutes passed before he heard Kris' deep voice, and he stilled at the other's words. He didn't want anyone to see him like this, and yet, Kris was here, talking to him about something.

"Go a-away, please." Jong Dae whispered, face hidden as he curled his body away from the other's voice.

He didn't want Kris to see him like this, to see him so weak, so young and incapable.

He flinched when Kris set his hand on his shoulder, trying to give him comfort that he didn't want or need. All he needed was for Kris to leave him alone and let him cry in peace. Yet, Kris didn't do anything like that, because seconds later, he was trying to soothe the younger boy with soothing words and calming breaths.

Jong Dae continued to feel worse as tears continued to flow from his eyes, showing how weak, how much he was being a burden on the other boy. He didn't want Kris to see him like this.

"Please leave," Jong Dae said again, only for Kris to tighten his grip, "Please."

"Jong Dae, you're crying, and it's obviously your frustrated and hurt. I'm not going anywhere until I know you're okay."

"I'm not hurt! I'm okay, so please leave!"

Kris didn't back away from his words and stepped closer to him, support, strength, and comfort emanating from his from.

"It's okay to cry Jong Dae, it's normal, and it doesn't make you weak. It doesn't make you weak to draw comfort from others. I know you like to take care of things by yourself, but maybe, sometimes you should draw comfort from your friends. We're all here by your side, and are going through the same training. It's okay to draw strength from us."

Jong Dae shook his head at Kris' words, because if that was true, he would have been able to do it for years without prejudice, "I'm fine, I've been fine. I don't need to bother you guys. All you need to do is give me five more minutes, and I'll be fine. So please leave me alone."

"I'm not going to leave you alone, you're crying in the alley, because something obviously is wrong with you and you're trying to show how strong you are. But you're not, you're trying to hide from us and lick your wounds by yourself. It's okay to ask for help, because me and the others would be glad to help.

"I don't care if you're parents told you that you were a burden or a bother or whatever bullshit they said. I don't care if your friends from back home let you cry alone, because here, we don't want you to do that. We don't want you to go through things alone, because it's okay to do stuff like that. We don't see you as weak or whatever you're thinking. We just want you to be able to come to us and trust us." Kris quietly told him, picking words that he knew would rile the boy up enough to get the boy to talk some more.

Jong Dae bristled a little at some of his statements, "Shut up, Kris. You don't know anything, so please leave me alone! I just want some space! I don't even know what you're talking about."

"Jong Dae, you know full well what I'm talking about. I've known you for months now, and I know what has been going on with your parents and how you're feeling. We're roommates for godsake. I understand that you're trying to be strong and show us a good image, but we don't need that. I thought if I gave you space, you would come to me sometime or one of the others, but you haven't, and what you're doing now is showing me that you're not as fine as you want me, the others, or yourself to believe-"

Jong Dae tore himself from the wall, "You don't know what you're talking about, it's doing me fine. It's done me fine for years. Why are you being like this, all of a sudden? I've taken care of myself just fine, and I'm okay with taking care of myself this way.

"All I want is to be alone. I'm sorry if I worried you guys, but all I need is five minutes to myself and I'll be able to perfect the dance move. I don't need you here, so please leave me alone for a few minutes. You don't always need to be the leader!"

Kris didn't rise to the bait, "Jong Dae, I know you've been taking care of yourself, it doesn't take a psychologist to tell me that you have issues with your parents or that your parents have issues with you or the fact that none of your friends from back home have done nothing to stay in contact with you. I know all of that, because I watch you, I look out for you, and I notice when you're hurting, and you're hurting, and probably have been hurting for a while. And yet, you're just internalizing all of it and making yourself sick and conflicted."

Jong Dae just shook his head, but Kris continued, "If things were okay, you wouldn't have gotten sick, you wouldn't have a compromised immune system, you wouldn't be trying to work yourself to death, or any of what you've been doing. I know that the last couple of days you think that others have been downright annoying and you probably think I'm being overbearing and stuff, but it's for a reason. It's for you to understand that we care for you and that we're not going anywhere if you decide to show us a little more than your default gentle side-"

"I-I show you guys plenty-"

"Jong Dae, you don't show or tell us anything, and all we want is for you to do that. Can you even do that, can you make yourself break down enough to tell us how you're actually feeling, how things have been going for you, how you actually feel? Can you?"

Jong Dae pulled himself away from Kris, confused by the sudden turn of events. He didn't know what Kris meant by wanting to see him break down, to tell him how he was feeling. He didn't know.

Kris knew if he didn't do something, Jong Dae would pull himself away, so closing the gap, he grabbed Jong Dae and pulled him into his arms, hugging him. His arms were wrapped around the younger boy; grip tight enough to keep the boy within his hold. If he had to, he would hug the boy all day until he finally told him something.

"Jong Dae, please start from wherever you're comfortable, I don't care if I have to stay like this all day, but you're going to talk about what's been going on inside your head. The others are inside, because I know you wouldn't want them to see you like this, but if you continue what you are doing, it's inevitable for them to find out."

"I don't want them knowing, I don't want them to see. I don't even want you to see me like this, so what makes you think I want them to see me like this."

"They will if you continue to be stubborn and fight this." Kris gave; feeling his shirt get damp from Jong Dae's never ending tears. He silently rubbed the boy's back, trying to give him comfort and telling him that he could take as much time as they needed.

He was more important than practice, and Kris wasn't going to let the other boy think for a second that he wasn't worthy or that he was being a burden on them.

He silently let Jong Dae gather himself and grasp the situation until he realized that he wasn't going anywhere and that he was not going to move until the other started talking.

Jong Dae could only frown at that taller boy's ultimatum and try to pull himself out of the other's grip, only to find that he just held him tighter, not letting him move away from him.

Feeling clueless, Jong Dae tried to think of what to do, only to figure out that he had no clue and that he didn't know where to start, or if he even wanted to tell Kris anything. But as minutes continued to pass, and Kris continuing to hold him, his resolve was breaking, and he knew it was only a matter of time until he started saying anything.

It wasn't often that he actually felt safe and wanted, and being in Kris' arms, he knew that the other boy would never let him feel differently. Breathing in the others sent one second and then telling him his story next, he had no idea to how he suddenly started talking without being able to stop if he tried.

Soon he was telling the older boy everything, from his parents, to how they treated him, to how his friends abandoned him, how inexperienced he felt, how he felt about everything, to what had been going on, and whatever else that sprouted in his mind.

He talked and talked, and all Kris did was stand there and hold him in his arms. He was sure hours had passed, but when Kris made no move to leave him there, scold him, or deter him from what he was doing, he continued telling him things until he didn't have anything to say but breathe. Even after his emotion upheaval, Kris didn't leave his side, but just continued to hold him and softly tell him that it was okay, that he was proud, and that he was glad that he could finally hear everything that he had to say.

Jong Dae could only melt into the boy's hold, surprised and relieved that the boy didn't run away or think that he was a burden or a bother. He felt lighter and happier than he had in a long time, and even though some things still stung and made his heart hurt, he felt good about things and himself.

Letting himself bask in Kris' comfort, he quietly asked for the others, instinctively knowing that they felt the same way as Kris. Not letting go, Kris quickly texted the others, and it was barely a minute before the other four came running out of the building towards them, smiles on their faces. Not even letting them say a word edgewise, the four tackled the two and quickly made a big group hug, almost squeezing the life out of him and Kris.

Laughing a little, he heard the others fill his head with positive feelings, words, and emotions. None of them thought the way his parents and his other friends had done, but were genuinely glad that he was able to unload all his worries and feelings, and that he was finally able to trust them enough to let them take care of him. Feeling slightly guilty and embarrassed, he quietly untangled himself from them, only for them to latch back on, and make him feel warm inside and out.

He didn't know why, but hearing those words from them and being hugged as if they would never see him again, he knew they were being sincere and that things were going to be okay, even if it would take him a while to be as open and trusting as they were.

He knew they weren't going to leave or give up on him, and he was sure there were going to be problems and challenges in the future, but looking at his friends, he felt like the strongest person in the world.

He knew it was going to be hard getting over everything and coping, but with his friends-no his family by his side, he was sure things were going to be okay.

They would make sure of it.

End

Epilogue: Three Months Later

Jong Dae quietly sat in the background, smiling and giving hearts and peace signs when appropriate, as he intently listened to what the MC had to say and what was being translated.

This was probably their tenth interview, and they were relatively the same in the sense that it was either Kris, Yi Xing, or Lu Han doing the talking. Tao would speak a little, but he would mostly hide himself in the background, unless it was something he was good at, like rapping or wushu. He and Min Seok would answer a few questions and try to show their personalities as best as they could, but the language barrier was still a setback.

It wasn't as apparent as months ago, but he still had a little trouble understanding a few things here and there, but it was soon getting to the point that he understood enough of what the MC was saying to grasp the general idea. Some days it was harder, while others it could be relatively easy to figure out what was being said, but it was still a slightly frustrating thing to overcome. Min Seok had similar sentiments, and the two of them, often felt a little left out sometimes, but the other members were quick to include them or give them more opportunities to shine.

The last few interviews and variety shows had definitely showcased them a little more, but it still wasn't unusual for the MC to monopolize air time with the Chinese speaking members.

Yet, as Jong Dae continued to listen, he didn't seem to mind that much as the other members told funny stories or talked about their lives as idols, especially every once in a while, Lu Han or Tao would tell a story about him or Min Seok, causing the two of them to blush or smile at the fond memories.

But he didn't expect for the MC to turn some of the questions to him a minute later, noticing the two Korean members being a little more quiet. Not trying to draw attention to them like some MCs did, the interviewer made the transition natural for him to move on to the two quietest members to ask a few questions.

"So the others have told all these stories, what are some memorable moments you have encountered since becoming idols? And particularly funny ones, or some heartwarming ones?"

Min Seok quickly answered, telling the MC about a hospital scare a while back and how good the members were to him and a recent shopping trip that he and Lu Han had went on.

The MC was very intrigued in the other's stories, so Jong Dae quietly prepared a few stories himself, only for a minute or so to pass and the attention to be drawn to him.

Min Seok comfortingly rubbed his knee, while the others gave him warm looks, pressing him to say something.

Smiling, he reminiscence the times all the boys would eat out, trying new things, how he and Tao would watch TV dramas together, their favorite being comedies, and on Friday's they had game and movie nights. He told the MC about how nice it was for all of them to be able to sit down, relax, and be silly with each other, like a real family would, the members being like brothers to him.

The MC let him talk for a few moments more, smiling at how sweet the stories were, before he had to move on, gathering the boys for their next event.

Jong Dae just blushed a little at how much he spoke, but looking at the other members, they only gave him smiles and a thumbs up. Kris even went as far to mouth 'Good job,' as Yi Xing and Lu Han gave him hearts.

Hiding the rest of his blush, he shook his head, ready for the few games they were going to play and a performance of MAMA. Giving a few minutes worth of fan service, the boys gave a 'We are one,' and quietly walked off stage.

Hearing the managers tell them that they were going to go home, Tao swung his arm around Jong Dae, and the two quietly went to the van, the others trailing a step behind, talking about where they wanted to eat. Deciding on some fried chicken, the boys chanted one of the theme songs, before Min Seok began to rap about chicken and being hungry.

All the boys groaned in response to the boy's rap, Lu Han pushing the other over in a playful manner, before Tao grabbed Yi Xing, and the two declared a rap battle.

Feeling silly and more than a little immature, Jong Dae and Kris quietly watched the others triy to outdo each other, only for Tao to hand him his fake mic moments later. Not knowing what to do, he decided to sing a little, only for the others to complain that it was a rap battle and not a singing battle, and that he should be excommunicated to a deserted island for breaking the rules.

Not taking them seriously, he gave them a sassy 'I go my own way, and you should all know I don't rap.'

Laughing at him trying to be a diva, Kris took the mic and began to beatbox, egging Lu Han and Min Seok to rap again, only for those two to rap about their undying love for meat buns and waxing poetic about fried chicken.

It wasn't long until everyone was laughing again, and Jong Dae couldn't help but think:

_Finally, I have somewhere to belong, and people that care about me. People that I can trust and count on, without having to worry if I'm being a burden or not, because to them, I'll never be anything like that, but a friend-no a brother to them. These guys are my family, and I wouldn't want to lose them for anything in the world. I love them, and no one can change my mind, because to them, I'm just Jong Dae._

End


End file.
